Sunday, April 18 2004, 5.40AM

i cant sleep, my loved one is angry at me. he's always angry at me, i'm beginning to feel as if all my doing is wrong.
i feel as if my life revolves around alcohol. yes, i am happier when i'm drunk. no one understands why...no one gives a damn. so why bother explaining it to anyone?

let me tell u a story...
there's a boy who was happy all the time, he would listen to other people's problems, he would cheer them up, he would try his very best to make them laugh and share his happiness, under this facade of cheerfulness and bubbly character lies a sad soul, a soul who wanted to be loved not just by one person, but by everyone. he's become so good at hiding his pathetic attributes that he doesnt even realize it anymore, until he fell into his own trap.

yes, i am that boy. yes, i do realize how pathetic i am. but is that wrong? is that why he's so angry at me all the time? am i such a bad person that no one is capable of maintaining me?
my tears will not answer my questions but will lighten the sorrow i feel.

i always thought, being in a relationship is always what i wanted. i never thought about the sadness that comes along with it. if this is what relationships are all about...i rather be single for the rest of my life.