Cultural & Communications Policies

i went for class today thinking that i was able to grasp whatever the lecturer had for me, i was confident that i would be able to understand what the uni-browed woman was chattering frantically about, instead i sat there mind blank as a white piece of paper staring at her and noding robotically.

3rd year subjects are hard and i really dont know what to do cause i cant change my subjects to anything else (stupid monash doesnt offer anything else for me). so i have to read about the policies and the politics and on-goings in malaysia. and i was pretty dumb to actually volunteer to do a presentation on the 4th week into the semester. i'm so bummed out right now that i spent the whole day just lazing around (partially because i was still in my Chinese New Year mood) and trying to read the readings for the subject only to be more confused about cultural and communications policies.

i need help and i better find it fast, otherwise i'll be left behind.

Confessions of a University Student

i got kicked out of class today, apparently reading books in tutorials are shunned upon and it's rude to the class and the people who are presenting.

i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, not feeling too happy and upset over a dream that i cant remember, i got dressed and went to my class (a rare sight indeed). sitting in the tutorial was a utter bore and listening to the presenters rant on about the internet isnt exactly my idea of a great time. being moody and wanting to keep to myself, i took out a book my friend lent me and i started reading, occassionally looking up and listening to them continue to talk about online porn popping up. at the end of the presentation the lecturer asked me to get out from his class, yeah he repeated the same thing as i wrote above and i backfired him with a "no, i think i shouldnt leave because i wasnt disrupting the class and i was listening occassionally". he told me off and told me to get out, so admitting defeat (he has to grade my assignments btw...) i said fine and i walked out of the class.

feeling angry and embarrassed, i sought comfort in the arms of the university personal couselor. i spoke to her about my problems and hoped that this being my last ray of hope could give me some proffessional advice and get my life back on track. i spoke to her about my friends, i spoke to her about university life, i spoke to her about my family, i spoke to her about my relationships, i wasnt able to pour my heart and soul within an hour but i gave her an insight to my life. being a proffessional counselor, she wasnt allowed to be emotionally attached to anyone who went to see her, but she shed a few tears for me and gave me a hug which made me feel alot better. i came out of the room with a load off my shoulder, i felt like i have passed it on to someone else and i was thankful for that. but the moment i stepped into my car the load came back again and i just felt so lonely.

driving back home was a chore...i wanted to just go back home and crawl underneath the covers and hide for eternity. but i guess writing is my only escape to the real world. a world where problems and pressure are the baggage i carry.

remember, evil doesnt only exist in fairy tales, it exists in people as well...