Sunday, August 17, 2008

G

I just came back from the hospital. My grandfather was admitted in yesterday because he was feverish and also complained of stomach pains. They are keeping him there because they suspect he was stricken by dengue.

Seeing him lay there with a plastic tube inserted into his arm, I couldn't help but feel a wave of sadness come over me. I bit my lower lip to fight back the tears. But my family doesn't seem to think it's a big thing. Maybe it's just me; seeing him weak and resting on the hospital bed hit me hard.

I know he will get well soon.

I love my grandpapa.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Closure

Wow! I'm drunk at the moment so I may not make any sense.

I went to Market Place tonight, hoping I would have fun and not worry about what's bothering me these past few weeks.

It was great! I drank, I had fun and I am drunk.

I realized that I'm still attractive to the same sex as I caught a lot of people eye-Raping me when I was sitting down drinking and dancing wildly on the dance floor. I still got it!

Anyway, I bumped into my ex whilst walking down to the dance floor and I must say, I didn't have any feelings what-so-ever. I must commend myself. I am finally over this person.

I saw him. I saw his boyfriend walking after him. And I realized...wow. I'm never going to be his carpet ever again. No longer will I walk after him like a dog. That torch has been passed on to another soul. May the God of Tolerance bless him.

I am finally free of any constraint that love has casted upon me.

I have my closure.

Freedom.

I am now free.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Ava Adore

I love Smashing Pumpkins.

Billy Corgan rocks.

My ultimate favourite song - Ava Adore.

Since I don't know how to put videos here, you can check out the music video by clicking here!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Sigh....

It's been a while since I've posted up anything, mostly because I'm been so frustrated with myself.

I applied for jobs overseas (S. Korea and Taiwan) teaching English cause I don't know what else I can do. Secondly because I don't foresee myself working in Malaysia at all - it's just not the place for me, no matter how much I love this place.

About a week ago, my resume got rejected from Berlitz Korea because I did not hold a Native English passport. Just because I hold a Malaysian passport, I was not even qualified to apply for a visa there.

Today, my resume got rejected from Berlitz Taiwan; also because I hold a Malaysian passport. Am I forever cursed to work here?

Malaysia will always be my home, don't get me wrong, but 'tis not the place for me to flourish.

And oh, I picked up smoking again...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Three

5.23Am...

On a Wednesday morning...

I sit here and ponder about life and my failures.

At the age of 24, I should be happy. But instead I wrap myself with misery and despair.

I've been hurt so many times, I should feel numb. But with each heartbreak that comes along with break ups, I writhe on the floor in pain as hot coals run down my cheeks.

After knowing that I've graduated, I should find a job. But with each passing second, I feel lost and I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I spoke about it briefly to my friends. But I cannot seem to pour my thoughts and emotions because I feel they should not burden themselves with my problems.

What am I to do? I seek for answers that no one are able to fathom.

So I do what I do best.

Avoid the problems.

Erase the memories.

And paste on a smile.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Tales of Rituals and the Supernatural

In Cambodia, it is believed that a creature called the Srei Ap exists: women who dabbled with black magic and accidentally turned themselves into flying disembodied heads with its bloody entrails hanging from its neck. Not only does the Srei Ap devour small living things such as frogs, insects and fishes, it is attracted to menstruation blood and fresh placentas from newly born children.

Cambodians also believe that the Srei Ap is afraid of thorns and small sharp objects. As such, thorns are placed underneath the pregnant women's bed to ward off the Srei Ap during childbirth. After the birth of the child, placentas are then hidden deep beneath the earth away from the ever hungry bodiless spirit. If the placenta is found and consumed by the Srei Ap, it is said that the spirit of the child as well as the mother would be consumed and they would both die.

In fear of the Srei Ap, the Cambodian culture of burying placentas are still practiced today. In fact there are resemblances to our Malaysian legend of Penanggalan, "head with dancing intestines". Small altars, offerings made from bamboo and stone statues of the Buddha are set up outside and inside houses to ward off evil spirits and this occurrence is similar to the traditions in Malaysia, despite its modernity.

Photos Copyrighted by Ethan

There is the annual ritual of Pchum Ben during September where the living set out offerings to appease the dead. It is known that this festival lasts for 15 days and during this period, the gates of hell are opened and spirits roam the earth to satisfy their hunger. Food is offered by the people and presented to the monks living in temples. This is where the ritual of incense, meditation and chants begins to placate the restless souls of dead ancestors and relatives. The people are also required to pay homage in at least seven temples and on the 15th day, the locals light a candle and follow chanting monks around the sanctuary for those who died alone and have no one to set out offerings for them.

This tradition lives on today but is not practiced by many from the younger generation. Instead of attending the ritual, they provide money and food to their living relatives in turn to represent their filial duty. This annual festival bears a resemblance to our local Hungry Ghost festival in which spirits are released from the gates of hell and wander the land in search for offerings which mainly consist of food.

People think that Cambodia is more haunted than ever, especially the locals. According to Watanap, a female waitress at the local bar, an astonishing eight out of ten locals believe in spirits and ghostly apparitions, most of them being females. Although most of Cambodia's citizens are Buddhists, these tales of horror stem from a pre-Buddhist shamanistic tradition of rituals and prayers to spirits for protection.

Due to Cambodia's sad and melancholic history during the time of the Khmer Rouge rule where many died and were not given proper burials, locals have been plagued with guilt for the dead who were not laid to rest.

A war veteran and survivor, Moun Sinath, tells the tales of strange disturbances in the War Museum – where a land formerly loaded with land mines has now transformed into a tourist attraction of rusted alienesque tanks and machines used for war. Sinath is also a firm believer in spirits and reports odd occurrences during the night – the tinkering sound of repairs to machinery, voices in Khmer requesting for nourishment and assistance can be heard during the still of the night. Sinath believes this to be his fellow comrades who died at war during the Khmer Rouge rule. What used to be a nightly visit from the dead has now become less frequent and is only reported during night when the moon is full and glowing.

We are surrounded daily by stories and folklore of spirits of the dead haunting the living with their presence. Walking daily in Siem Reap, I pass by altars in stores and buildings that have been set up to protect the people from evil spirits. On a personal note, I believe in the afterlife and that everyone has a ghostly story to tell. After listening to these stories told by the locals, the dark streets of Siem Reap seem to have changed from mundane to mysterious.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Disaster

My iPod just got hit with a virus. Now when I plug it into a computer, I try to double click on the folder where I stuff all my photos in and instead it opens up the My Documents folder.

If I lose any of my photos I took during Angkor Wat and my many other photos, I will cry.