Tears Are Like Wet Poems

Okay forgive me again cause I had a bit to drink just now. I finished half a bottle of whiskey with nothing in my stomach except for my lunch.

And now, I have no idea why but tears seems to keep pouring out from my eyes and it runs down my cheeks like hot coals.

I'm not sad or anything. I don't feel like my heart is in pain. I don't feel anything but I have no idea why these watery pellets are shooting out from my eyes. And to be totally honest I'm really not thinking about any of my exes. Probably Derrick but he didn't really make much of a significant impact on me to make me feel like this.

Seriously I'm pouring buckets. I have no idea why.

Maybe a guy needs to just cry.

Cry for the sake of it.

Cry to let it out.

Cry to release.

Or maybe I'm just insane.

Monash - Evil Money Sucking Machine

Have you ever heard of the atrocity of paying in order to attend your own graduation?

I have.

In fact I have to pay a whooping RM500 in order to attend my graduation ceremony (which is in a couple of hours). Monash University Malaysia is an evil corporate money sucking machine and it's their last chance to siphon money out from their students before they send them off to fend for themselves in the real world.

Graduation has been ritualized and now every proud parent of a student would love to watch the 1 minute act of their child going up on stage, shake the hand of the Chancellor, smile and walk off.

Even despite my rage against the evil conglomerates and instead of graduating in absentia in Australia, I wanted to give my parents that moment.

Once I applied for graduation, I've been asked every single week on when my graduation date is, what time does it start, how many tickets do I get, etc etc. I am not impressed by their lack of memory or attention.

I've already graduated once. What's the point in doing it again!??!
Stupid rituals...

As time draws closer to doomsday, I am again asked the details of my graduation. "It starts at 3, I don't have the tickets, I will be there at 12.30 to collect my gown, it will be until 5 and if you want to take portrait photos it will be a long line so line up early".

My Chinese parents apparently have a friend's wedding anniversary to attend to, so they want to come late. My flesh and blood sister wants to go to the gym and will wait for my parents to pick her up instead of accompanying me to get my gown. My uncle and aunt from London want to take portrait photos to show my other uncles and aunts but since they don't have tickets, my parents asked them to come around 5.30.

Did I mention that these people are all related to me?

The only person whom I can tolerate at the moment is my grandpapa. He's feeling a lot better since his visit to the hospital and I'm glad he can make it to my graduation.

Monash has already given me so much grief.

I just need to borrow a little more strength to endure tomorrow.

Casual Nonsense

It's been a while since I updated anything. I had my blog opened a couple of times but I can't seem to get my thoughts out and put them in writing.

I volunteered at a sexuality diversity event here in Kuala Lumpur and it went well. Made a couple of friends and met a lot of new people.

And here's a long awaited update on my love life, which is pretty much non-existent. I got hit on by several guys during the event but none of which I was interested in. My sex drive has gone down to zero ever since my epiphany with my ex. Also I think it's because I've been hanging out with a bunch of lesbians which has made me feel so a-sexual. Garrr!

My graduation ceremony is this week Saturday.

One of my many uncles and aunts are coming down from London.

What else?

Oh, and 'apparently' I'm PMSing.

Fan-bloody-tastic.

Shite

I'm so drunk right now.

And these are the words from a drunkard.

I just came back home fr0m a hectic yet pleasant night out with friends.

First I had to go to a friend's birthday thingy where I met my ex-lecturer and we had a good chat about everything. It was good to see him outside of his element.

Then I had to mosey on to the local watering hole; this friend's "farewell" thingy.

And I think I made some of my friends fall for me.

Shit.

Like I don't have enough drama in my life.

Kindred Connections

A friend and I were talking about random acts of kindness. She told me about a common friend who, at a night of A&W root beer, saw an old Indian woman lurched over herself by the road and asked her if she's alright. She had a bag next to her and told him that she was kicked out from her house in broken Malay. He was broke the whole week and had his last 5 dollars with him and without hesitation he took it out and gave it to her.

That got me thinking about the kindest thing I've done.

Back when I was working in 65, a local watering hole, I used to head to this dodgy park after work to meet up with friends or cruise around with my favourite songs watching cute guys stroll the area. I would also try to strike up conversations with them when times were right.

I remember a night when I was blasting my Canto pop CD and singing in my car whilst roaming around the park, I saw a guy who looked like he was lost. I went around him a couple of times to check him out and then I gathered up my courage and asked him if he was alright wandering the park so late at night. It was then he told he that he was from Singapore, was here in Kuala Lumpur for a holiday and that a friend dropped him off there and said he would be back in 2 hours to pick him up. He had no cash with him for some reason and knew no one in Malaysia except for his friend whom he had tried calling the past 4 hours only to get the voice message box.

Even despite his unlikely tale, I sensed despair and kindness in his tone of voice so I offered him a lift back to his hotel in KL. He said he stayed in Hotel Negara located somewhere near Petaling Street. I'm not really familiar with the streets of KL so I decided to just drive around until he recognizes his hotel. It also hit me that he was wandering there for 4 hours without food or water so I asked him whether he was thirsty and I popped into a nearby 7-11 to get him a large bottle of 100Plus and mineral water for him. He was very thankful and gulped down half the 1 litre of 100Plus and continued to tell me his tale of his friend. Apparently he came to KL for him and the dude was obviously not interested and dumped him in the most dodgy-est area known to gay men.

I finally found his hotel after half an hour of searching and I dropped him off. I insisted he take the liquids I bought for him but he thanked me so many times and refuse to take the bottle of unopened mineral water. It was late so I didn't want to argue, so I wrote my number on a piece of paper and handed it to him. I told him that if he needed help, he could always give me a ring. I knew at that moment when I handed him my number, I would never see this person ever again. And I was right.

Despite all of this, I am blessed that he didn't turn out to be a killer or some robber. I also felt good that I did an act of kindness and hoped for nothing in return...except for him to be kind to other people as well.

I do believe in the good in people. That is why I will do my best to help them.

And I hope that people would pay it forward.

G

I just came back from the hospital. My grandfather was admitted in yesterday because he was feverish and also complained of stomach pains. They are keeping him there because they suspect he was stricken by dengue.

Seeing him lay there with a plastic tube inserted into his arm, I couldn't help but feel a wave of sadness come over me. I bit my lower lip to fight back the tears. But my family doesn't seem to think it's a big thing. Maybe it's just me; seeing him weak and resting on the hospital bed hit me hard.

I know he will get well soon.

I love my grandpapa.

Closure

Wow! I'm drunk at the moment so I may not make any sense.

I went to Market Place tonight, hoping I would have fun and not worry about what's bothering me these past few weeks.

It was great! I drank, I had fun and I am drunk.

I realized that I'm still attractive to the same sex as I caught a lot of people eye-Raping me when I was sitting down drinking and dancing wildly on the dance floor. I still got it!

Anyway, I bumped into my ex whilst walking down to the dance floor and I must say, I didn't have any feelings what-so-ever. I must commend myself. I am finally over this person.

I saw him. I saw his boyfriend walking after him. And I realized...wow. I'm never going to be his carpet ever again. No longer will I walk after him like a dog. That torch has been passed on to another soul. May the God of Tolerance bless him.

I am finally free of any constraint that love has casted upon me.

I have my closure.

Freedom.

I am now free.