Malfunction; Abort

A couple of days ago, some friends gathered to meet for an event called Re-inventing The City where a visual performance on various cities like Seoul, Hanoi and Kuala Lumpur was shown. Some of the visuals were breathtakingly beautiful and after experimenting with shots on my pathetic camera phone and learning a couple of techniques from my photographer friends, I could see how angles were used and what shots worked and what didn't. I'll be experimenting with my new camera soon and hopefully I could come up with some excellent photos to put up.

So after the visual performance, we all met up in this overrated local coffee shop and started to talk about social issues such as religion. The topic which started it off and brought in quite a few different debates was abortion. I am Pro-Life, so I found the lighthearted chat about getting pregnant and just going for an abortion morose. Abortion should not be taken lightheartedly and is something that we should not abuse. It disgusts me to think that teenagers and men and women in their 20s are not taking an initiative to prevent pregnancy and think that abortion is a quick-fix solution to their problem, especially when condoms (even though it works 98% of the time) and birth control are easily available.

Then there's the question of what if the woman is raped and got pregnant with a bastard child? I know it isn't easy, but there's always the solution of giving the child up for adoption. A friend of mine also brought up the notion of legalizing abortion but having guidelines on whether a candidate is viable for abortion. I think that is a pretty good idea, but being realistic it would not work. It's idealistic and people always find loopholes to abuse it. Even though I don't fully believe in God, I believe that people should not play the role of Shiva and decide who lives and who dies.

We are living in a cesspool world were morals and ethics are no longer black and white.

Everything is just a shade of grey.

Angry Gay Boy

An avid reader of my blog once asked me, "Why am I never mentioned in your blog?". I thought for a while and tried to be as diplomatic as possible before answering his question.

Finally I said, "Because you're not significant enough for me to be blogging about."

I don't think he visits my blog anymore.

I recently handed in my registration form for a film-making class; hopefully it'll inspire me to be creative as well as give me a good reason to live. I also handed my registration form for the study trip to Siam Reap and I just received news that I am the selected few that will be visiting the beautiful and sad country.

Life has been settling down, I'm attending classes (I should be in one right now but decided against it since it's such a lovely rainy evening and it shouldn't be wasted constraint in an underground lecture hall), my love life is going fairly well, I've been busy with activities that I set up for myself and I am hoping the messy friendship status would clear itself up without my presence.


I'm also heading to Bangkok next week on the 9th to the 14th which is a fantastic get-away from the hectic life in Malaysia.

I'm feeling rather content with myself apart from a few minor details. Things seem to be coming into place.

Except for one incident that happened a few days ago. I was driving along the roads of Petaling Jaya (Kota Damansara to be exact) when a small incident happened. I was signaling to turn to the left lane since I needed to turn left to head back to my place when this bitch from hell charged straight into the left lane and didn't let me through. I was signaling for 3 minutes and she still didn't let me through. She also had the decency to look straight at me from her new Midnight Blue Honda Civic with the plastic covers still in tact and gave me the most evil and snobbish look that I had ever seen. I was pissed. And I was going to raise hell. She probably didn't know that hell hath no fury than a poked bear.

So she turned left and I turned left. She then slowed down drastically and almost caused me to hit into her. I overtook her to pleasantly see that she was on the phone, probably securing the pact she made with Lucifer about her army of evil bitches going through their periods overtaking Earth. Rage seethed through my body and I felt my eyes burning with anger. What would you do if you were in my position?


So I went back into her lane, making sure I was in front of her. I slowed down to a painstakingly turtle pace and waited for her to overtake me. When she did, I sped and went over to the next lane, making very sure she was stuck behind me for the stretch on the road. I repeated this a couple of times until she got really pissed and tried to overtake me again when I really sped up and made sure she fell behind. Our cars almost smacked into each other and she slammed her brakes. It was then I heard the screaming of the horns from her car.

Then my car window came down and all she saw was my arm and a middle finger sticking out as I sped off into the sunset.

Yes. I know. I need anger management classes.

No Sleep Tonight

It's 5.40AM in the morning. I just got home from a night at Genting with Jarvis and Mitchel; a dreadful night indeed. The whole evening was spent pleading Jarvis to stop gambling, cut his losses and go home since I was promised that we'd leave at 2. I contemplated on the idea of taking a cab back from Genting, but with 40 bucks in my wallet and at 3.30AM in the morning, I decided against it and just wait.

The hot topic during the trip to Genting was about Jarvis' boyfriend, Heath, whom I have in the recent months became really close to. I was subjected to being accused of having an affair with him and also not being a good friend since I did not meddle in J & H's relationship by taking Jarvis' side.

I try to be a good friend. I honestly do. These are people who are quite important in my life, people whom I have grown accustomed to. It really upsets me that someone whom I have known for a while would accuse me of fucking his boyfriend and fooling around with him behind his back. Despite constant reassurance, he still feels as if there is something going on between both of us, even though he knows very well I'm dating someone special and that Heath and I are absolutely not attracted to each other.

Why should I be the one who should be talking to Heath about their relationship problems? I feel as if I'm in the middle of a battlefield and the only one who will end up getting hurt and losing friends is me. Here is Jarvis, pouring his pain and sorrow to Mitchell while I kept quiet at the backseat of the car, and then Mitchell starts to lecture me about how I should act as a "friend". I apparently should speak to H and ask him why he wants to treat J that way and etc etc. Isn't that another way of asking me to take sides and say that H is totally wrong? I've seen things that I shouldn't have seen, I know things I should not know. I've been keeping quiet all this time and not judging anyone despite what they've done. Why am I being subjected to all this when I feel as if I have done what any friend would have done?

I am cursed if I do, I'm cursed if I don't. I don't know what I've done to deserve this.

Serenity

Someone once sent me an e-mail with the content on dating; something about going on hundreds of bad dates so when the right one comes along you'll know it. We meet people all the time, whether it's on the streets of Kuala Lumpur, in the local watering hole or online at various dating websites.

I recently met someone a couple of days ago whom I can really fall for. He's got a wicked sense of humour, devilishly cute, the whole package. We've been on a couple of dates and it's awkward for me since I almost never have these sort of feelings just after meeting anyone. This got me thinking, do I really like the guy or am I so starved for a relationship that I imagined myself a great guy? I started to wonder whether the person who wrote the e-mail about the bad dates was on crack or in the same position that I am in.

I brought him to meet a couple of my friends and they seem to like him a lot. One of which said to me "I've never seen you this happy" and then started scowling at me when we held hands or pecked each other's cheeks. I suppose there is a limit to the amount of PDA when you're around friends.


There are also some things that I'm afraid to ask and yet is on my mind constantly. Are we dating? Are we boyfriends? Or are we just two people who enjoy each other's company and have great sex? I try to tell myself (and him) that I rather not go through the technicality of labeling what we are and defining our relationship so therefore we are undefinable. Makes life a lot easier.

So I'll just wait....and see how this goes.

Judgemental Judies and Julians

I'm not a saint nor a sinner; I'm human.

We are often critiqued and judged almost every single day in our lives; especially in Malaysia where we are surrounded by Holier-Than-Thou personalities in every corner we turn. As I sat across from a University friend, critiquing her writing, it occurred to me that some people can not take criticisms very well. My friend did take it as positive and constructive criticism, although I suspect she's not really listening to me at all.


That got me thinking; do we really have the right to critique the people around us, or dare I say judge complete strangers? We do it everyday of our lives without even realizing it. Putting on our Judge's robes and pointing fingers at people, telling what they should do and what they shouldn't, is that really human nature? Or are we basically nurtured into thinking that it is human nature to judge?

I recently got a bad review from an ex of mine telling me I shouldn't be doing this and that, as well as being shocked to certain things I have done. This coming from a 31 year old man who on the last conversation we had called me a dickhead. I suppose we do want to fit into this mould of being perfect, so no one can be able to criticize or point their witchy-poo finger at us. But what happens if you do something that breaks this mould of perfection?



Everyone knows that it takes a lifetime to build a great and fantastic reputation, but it only takes one bad review to shatter it all. I'm pondering, since I'm not seen as a saint in the eyes of people, why should I make myself one? I might as well do whatever the hell I want and live my life carefree of being judged.


Life is too short to be so self-aware and creating this "image" for oneself. So why not live life the way you want?

As long as you know the difference from right and wrong, I say go for it.

What Lies Before Me

A pencil

A stapler

A book

A vodka martini

Then nothing....

Nothing....

Nothing....



Blinding headache.

Randomness

The moon peels my heart like an onion, what remains when I'm removed of my defenses?

I was going through my computer drives when I stumbled across some interesting photos that I personally took. Now honestly I wish I had the "eye" for capturing the beauty in photographs but unfortunately I fail miserably at my attempt to do so. So here goes nothing.

This was taken right outside my balcony a couple of months back. I was experimenting. Oh right, these photos were all taken from my camera phone. Go Motorola/Sony Ericson!

My messy room. The shot was Pandemic.

As I said, I was experimenting.

My favourite place.

Some place in Singapore. I thought the fountain was uber cool.

This is actually a hanging lamp taken from one of my mummy's houses. I shot it cause I thought it looked interesting. The only one where my hands weren't shaking.

What do we do in class?

I can't remember what class this was. Obviously since I wasn't paying attention and taking photos of my Marlboros and water bottle.

There you go. The utmost random photos ever.