No Sleep Tonight

It's 5.40AM in the morning. I just got home from a night at Genting with Jarvis and Mitchel; a dreadful night indeed. The whole evening was spent pleading Jarvis to stop gambling, cut his losses and go home since I was promised that we'd leave at 2. I contemplated on the idea of taking a cab back from Genting, but with 40 bucks in my wallet and at 3.30AM in the morning, I decided against it and just wait.

The hot topic during the trip to Genting was about Jarvis' boyfriend, Heath, whom I have in the recent months became really close to. I was subjected to being accused of having an affair with him and also not being a good friend since I did not meddle in J & H's relationship by taking Jarvis' side.

I try to be a good friend. I honestly do. These are people who are quite important in my life, people whom I have grown accustomed to. It really upsets me that someone whom I have known for a while would accuse me of fucking his boyfriend and fooling around with him behind his back. Despite constant reassurance, he still feels as if there is something going on between both of us, even though he knows very well I'm dating someone special and that Heath and I are absolutely not attracted to each other.

Why should I be the one who should be talking to Heath about their relationship problems? I feel as if I'm in the middle of a battlefield and the only one who will end up getting hurt and losing friends is me. Here is Jarvis, pouring his pain and sorrow to Mitchell while I kept quiet at the backseat of the car, and then Mitchell starts to lecture me about how I should act as a "friend". I apparently should speak to H and ask him why he wants to treat J that way and etc etc. Isn't that another way of asking me to take sides and say that H is totally wrong? I've seen things that I shouldn't have seen, I know things I should not know. I've been keeping quiet all this time and not judging anyone despite what they've done. Why am I being subjected to all this when I feel as if I have done what any friend would have done?

I am cursed if I do, I'm cursed if I don't. I don't know what I've done to deserve this.