Manifestations Of The Mind

I have seen roses damasked, red and white. But no such roses see I in her cheeks.

Tonsillitis has struck and has struck me hard. Causing fever and a major
migraine, I finish off my gym by heading to the doctors only to half pass out in the clinic. Enhancins and Uphamols float in the air for me to consume daily and life has never been so boring the past few days since I've been barred from going to the gym from my GP.

But I digress.

I believe that negativity will manifest itself into harming your body. I held a
lot of angst towards some of my relatives when I was in UK , which I
believe to be the core explanation to me getting sick. For the 3 weeks I was there, I had absolutely no illnesses what-so-ever, not even a cold. Clutching on to the anger towards some of my relatives, I brought it back here without channeling it into something constructive which is why I got sick the very next day. It started off as a scratchy throat and in the next couple of days turned into something else.

Although this sounds like New Age mumbo jumbo, I do believe that the body has a mind of its own. After all people have adapted to moving to different countries with different weathers and different illnesses.

So I am being punished as my negativity and cynicism manifested itself in the form of tonsillitis and fever.

How I miss having someone to take care of me.

Experimental Writing

Little doll
Who carries the name of the most beautiful flower
Could you please bring me something from your parents' tower?

Of course dear Shadow
What is it you humbly ask to endow?

Walk back to your castle dear child
And make it your family's tomb
For all I really yearn
Lies within your mother's womb

I once heard of a man who will become like no other
Could you please bring me your still unborn brother?

The shadow bowed in gratitude, completing her task
Would you like anything in return, might I ask?

Please I hope you won't find me wrong
I would like to play, laugh and dance all night long
But no matter what I want
I would find a friend the most relevant

I’m sorry dear little flower
Friends I can not give
It is sadly beyond my power

Then I would like my brother back
For this deal of ours
Just turned awfully sour
What good are you, if you make me weep?
Please have my brother returned by the gates of my keep

Neither your brother I can give you
What you gave is given
I merely strive for a way to make it even
Seeing my offer is merely out of kindness
This child will never know the embrace of your fortress

Then I wish for a way to have you undone
Kind shadow
I want you mauled and buried
By the darkest and most blighted meadow

Fair enough little flower
Without feelings of either vain or rue
I will grant your one wish 'come true

Without honour
Without grace
You will travel to the darkest place
Untouched by the vilest of gloom
Your skin will always run paler than our brightest moon

Travel the road of which I pointed
And be forever gone
For sure one day
You will have me undone

Thank you kindly,
Shadow of whom I don't know

White

What i do is what i know
And what i know is what my senses say
And what my senses say is this
That where i'm scared to go is bliss
And what i dare to take on
Makes my day

What i do is what i feel
And what i feel is where i have to go
And where i go is where you are
My love
My fear
My beating heart
My simple answer that i never know

Arabic Dance

Moonlight audaciously dancing on the dyed edge of the window
The smokes magically illustrate every visual sense
Give me one more cup of that ancient mysterious Ganges water
The cat's eye that i hemmed on my forehead uncovered the festival

The joints that have been imprisoned for thousands of years due to the cause of love
It is telling the love stories that have been forgotten
Listen to all the joy and misery
They are all tied to my waist
Let those pictures appear again
Let us go back into the past

Spinning
Jumping
I close my eyes
I won't see the uproars
Are you immerged in the past yet?

White snow
Summer Nights
I won't stop and rest
Blurring the years and ages

Stories have been depicted into the spinning finger tips
Who is it?
Who is following me idiotically?
This night, on the steps leading to the old palace
I let myself go as sweat drips from my face
Those sweats lightened up the festival

The sweats encloses me tightly layer after another
I am going to let this world forget to sleep
Your worries reflected inbetween my eyebrows
The pleasure that you have given has all come true

The bliss and sorrow is all writing in my eyes
Let them appear again, let us head into the past

The sandglass of time has been scrunched to pieces by me
No one has seen the happiness and sadness of a dancing prince

My Lips...Like Warm Coffee

Remember I miss you
However, I am happy
Now you will still be able do well
Like how hard the practice was, next time for sure
You will avoid guys like me
Hopefully it will be a thoughtful, smooth and warm guy
He will completely satisfy your parents
And make them comfortable
Without one single tear to cry
Without hurting a single time
Without pain, I hope you will love peacefully

Don't cry, it's already a thing in the past
Although it may hurt to let go
It's only a point in life that goes against the rules
Although it may be a time that is longer than any other
As you live life, it's a point that everyone goes through
Although you won't be able to accept it easily
It is only a process to become an adult
It is only a process.

Untitled Number 22

Time flows by ever so slowly
I will await for my prince
By the lake I shall stand
Eternity, for it will come to pass

Am I being foolish?
Have I looked too far?
Is he standing before me?
Or has he disappeared from my life?

Questions left unanswered
A leaf following the breeze
My life as a spinning wheel
Of disappointments and illusions

An endless vortex of cigarette butts
An infinite flow of alcohol
Empty and hollow, my mind returns to sanity
As days melt into the sea of thoughts

Wednesday, November 10th 2004, 6.10AM

Goodbye my first love
Being with you was not a waste
The past
Every scene
Can be admired at your wish
Don't forget
Our relationship has still yet to blossom

Because we have too much youth
So we change our goals every day and night
Use our limited precious time to trade for unlimited attractions

Next year
We'll meet at the flagpole
Whoever comes first must wait
Our love will re-live within 10 seconds
But our knowledge will be deeper
And our perception will be greater
Hope we will both have our partners with us

Us two
Have sweated together before
You and me in this moment
Can be recorded and kept
So we can still see it in the days to come
Don't forget that only us two is enough

If you miss the memories of the past too much
Looking at the picture of us two
I hope you will say that this me is more beautiful

Next year
We'll set a date
Whoever meets their companion first
We'll be clear
We can't be jealous or have hatred in our heart
Use even brighter laughter
To leave an even more beautiful memory
Celebrate for you
My friend...

Don't Give Up

It's fortunate that even after your departure
I still sleep and wake early
I have enough luck

And you are only content after counting the number of tears I've shed
You're good in hiding your true feelings
At least you're nice enough
To not break my heart totally
I have no conscience
Even if I hate you
I can't let go

I don't have the time to miss you
If my speaking skills were really good
I would trade insults with you until you couldn't take it anymore
Are you really not able to endure it any longer?

You'te the best because you still hope that lovers can become friends
I don't have the disposition to hate you
Being your best friend doesn't mean anything

I'm a big boy now
Even if my heart gets broken
I will never give up in my work

Forgive me for being so unforgiving
The present is the least of my worries
Not yet able to take out some time to let you take out your anger on me

Don't pretend to be nice
And force yourself to say that we will be good friends
Even after the breakup
Up to this day
I only have you as an enemy
How am I suppose to live the rest of my life?

I want to play, I won't accept you
Having no one to bother you is your luck

If heaven forces me to never give up
Even after your departure
I don't think I will perish
I retreat
In hopes that everybody will be happy
So that in the end
Things wouldn't be so uncertain

Let's Break Up

Were you really surprised?
Were you speechless?
No, you heard right
I said I wanted to break up
Used to be under your spell like an innocent sheep
Why am I able to get back at you all of a sudden?
You know?

Looking back, being with you has never brought me any happiness
We've gone through so much together but why haven't we had love
I suspect that there will not be any happiness if I continue to be with you

I don't have the strength
Lets not linger any longer
Just set me free

All my work has been for nothing
The past years and months have not been spent joyfully
To continue out of habit does us both no good
If we must suffer
Why don't I just break it off now?

Are you unwilling to be the first one to be dumped?
If you were in my place, would you be able to take it?
I've endured the loneliness many times
My heart has had enough

I don't apologize for my frank behavior
Forcing this relationship won't bring us anything
Why don't we just break off everything?

If the suffering is so great
Let's not carry any longer
Please just go

Crying

Who understands that I want to have a deep sleep
Who knew that I would be attending this event
Hope that you will accompany me
We'e not suitable, but it will be interesting

When you were happy, I asked you who liked
You replied whether I'm referring to a lover
If that's what you're talking about
I'm too afraid to tire myself
Then I bit my lip to hold back my tears

If I can
Just ask myself
Actually all I want is one kiss from you
And then you admit to me
I am who's second choice?

Even though I know that you are not a good person
But at least I can get one impression
Even though I want to I still haven't asked you

In reality, you have never treated a guy with sincerity
The secret of my love for you, who will want to prove it
Getting this sickness, I have no regrets
Only after switching off the lights, can I think about you freely
Unfortunately, I only have the strength to cry

My honesty towards you cannot make you honest towards me
The person who is loving, alone can still breathe with courage
While I know that you have not yet vanished
I'd rather not disclose this secret until the end of time

Actually I want to be near u
Actually I want to gamble my life
And then I want to...

Thursday, October 28th, 3.18PM

You, if you have something to say, just say it
Wanting to say something, but not saying it, what kind of a man are you?
And I, my instincts have told me early on
That we are nearing the day for our breakup

Even if my heart is crying, I still have to keep my smile
Who likes to look at a crying face?
Life is always so, with its share of separation
No matter how hard I try, it's still so hard to keep smiling

I cannot open this tearing eye
Because sand has just been blown into it
Who wants to use tears to make you stay?
Having your pity is even worse than separation
I've become used to breakups
We only need one simple word, no need to be bothered again
It's only the sand that has been blown into my eyes
That is making me cry

Even if I don't come, I must still appear refined
And think of him only in my memories
And then I could go out traveling to foreign countries
So I could slowly forget his face