My Father: The Provider, The Giver, The Husband, The Hero

i sat at the dining table, 3AM in the morning watching tears run down my father's face. i felt sad and i wanted to breakdown and cry as well but with just the two of us sitting there, i knew that one of us had to be strong. it was heart-wrenching watching a grown man who had watched me grow up and provided for me and my family cry.

about a couple of hours ago from now my parents got into a huge fight which upset my father alot. i came back home from a night out with my friends and was heading towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water when he came down, face all red from drinking and he told me that i should be matured and face my future head on. this is my dad. whenever he finishes arguing with my mom he comes and lays down the guilt trip on me. i sat down with him and asked him what happened and he told me everything that happened earlier in the afternoon. over a small little thing during lunch with my uncle's family, things got heated up and everyone got angry at each other. i didnt participate since i woke up late but my dad explained everything to me. it wasnt my place to teach my dad anything but i sat down and listened to him and tried to advise him to talk to my mother and my sister. the thing is my father had the knack of choosing the most inappropriate time to talk about certain things. i knew my parents had communication problems and suggested couple's counselling for both of them to my dad. he told me i've grown up alot but not academically and feels like i've taken a step back in life.

and there is where the conversation began, about my life. i told my father i never understood why everyone around me tells me i'm an intelligent kid, i'm not. this is a potrayal of me which can fool anyone who doesnt dig deep in my life to know the REAL me. i dont know what i want to do in life, i dont know where i'm gonna end up, i dont know where my future will lie occupation-wise. that's when i realized i dont really talk to my father about my feelings and all these things. my dad is a very understanding person, he told me he has tried to give everything to us (the family) and he is in a point in his life where he's beginning to lose hope and feel useless. that's when he popped the question: "have i been a terrible father?"

my dad hasnt been the perfect father, the best man alive, the greatest husband but he damn hell tried and i will beat the shit out of anyone who doesnt think so. he's my father and in my eyes (even though at times i dont respect him very much) he's been a great dad. i told him that exactly what i thought of him.

it's funny how things turn out good after a bad day. my father was having an awful day. i really hope that this conversation with him will cheer him up. i spoke to him about my the politics at my job and seeked advice on what to do, he taught me alot of things tonight; about the corporate world, the backstabbing & politics, advertising and marketing, etc. for a moment i saw a glimpse of what his life was like and that made me respect him more.

to me, tonight was the first time i ever connected with my father.
in my eyes he's a hero.

Ethanlicious

i'm trying hard to cheer myself up, cause i know know that i cant rely on anyone to make me happy. i can leech happiness off people but it wont make it mine, so yes i'm going to make myself happy.

i'm forcing myself to hit the gym again, trying to get my life back on track before i head down the lonely road again, i'm not saying that going to the gym and being fit will definitely hook me up with someone but at least it will help rite? i've gained alot of holiday weight during my trip and i need to work it off and since i have so much free time on my hands might as well just do something about it. i need some discipline in life, the life that i want is waking up early in the morning and reading the newspaper over a cup of tea or having CNN or BBC in the background while i have my breakfast, then going to the gym and then classes and then come back home just in time for dinner and then getting a good night's rest. yes that's the life i want, unfortunately my biological clock is so screwed up that i sleep during the daytime and wake up during the nights.

yeah it's alittle bit too mature for my age but i think i should start early if i plan on an early retirement at the age of 35. a bit too idealistic? perhaps.

No Escape?

these are one of the days when i feel wake up and feel like i'm just wasting my life and everything i touch turns to shit.

my boss requested for me to go to work today but working there now seems like a tedious job where i do not get appreciated for my ideas and my work and other people take the credit. i'm not happy anymore especially with the politics that gets pumped into it almost everyday. i'm still deliberating whether or not to go to work today since a uni friend of mine asked me to attend her birthday party and i also wanna go LQ tonight and drink but i dont wanna go there alone and since most of my friends are from the bar i work at, it's hard to convince them to go.

funny how this could all be made easy with a toss of a coin, but no one can expect the consequences of it later.

Face Forward & Never Look Back

today has been quite a shitty day, i'm not going to name the events that happened but let's just say it was quite a shitty end to a shitty day. but i'm thankful to have friends who i can rely on and talk to in my hour of need.

a wise friend told me that some things in life one should never take personally, to separate emotions from whatever one does. it's hard for me to learn this attribute as i am pretty sensitive to alot of things, especially remarks made by people. i guess it's in my nature to be sensitive.

maybe it's because of my childhood days? i'm not saying that i had a horrible childhood don't get me wrong and i am never ever going to blame my parents for whatever they have bestowed upon me. i had a sheltered life as a child, i never broke a bone in my body before, not much scars except for the one above my left eye and the burn mark on my right hand. i grew up in an American school and life was good there, no one made fun of each other and it was like a scene from the "Sound of Music". but that was part of my downfall as well, since i never encountered anyone that was harsh and mean, i couldnt make sense of it and therefore i get hurt.

it's like the same saying, if we didnt know sadness we wouldnt know what happiness is. i am trying to be distant, trying to cover up my feelings until i get home. sometimes i get very nasty comments at work and i hold it in till i get back home and then i cry. i think that has been an improvement for me and as my wise friend said, upgrading oneself is important.

i came across something which was quite similar to this which was related to masks.

some artists believed that the face displays too much expressions, even though u can smile there'll be a hint of sadness if u're feeling sad. so they believe wearing a mask will elevate their performance to a higher state since no one knows what expression u may be having underneath the mask.

however, others believe that the highest state of performing arts is to turn one's face into a mask; to show no expression and be indifferent.

i find it difficult to be able to be indifferent to hurtful comments and remarks, because sometimes it's aimed personally....but i am learning. it's time to box up my emotions and turn my face into a mask

Inside & Out

i may not be the best looking guy,
i may not be the fastest in the bunch,
i may not be the smartest in the lot,
i may not have the best body in the world,
i may not possess the greatest personality,
i may not be your prince charming...

all i can offer you is my heart, my friendship and my promise that if we are together, i will try to make our relationship work.

3rd Stop: Dubai

if u're joining me now, u've missed my entire trip, so before u read this it's time u go back to my first stop in London BABY!

after a sad goodbye to all my cousins and my relatives we flew our tired asses to Dubai and arrived during the night. after checking in, it was time to explore the city. dubai is like...Ipoh (located in Msia). it's filled with traffic, there wasnt exactly much sights where we stayed because they were pretty much in the process of building everything. this is the fountain somewhere near the city, about a few minutes walk from our hotel. weather was about 13 degrees which was pretty cool, hot for me since i was already used to the weather in london and prague.


we checked out the shopping mall near our hotel which was ajoined to a boutique shopping mall so my granddad decided to take a picture of himself and the ivory horses that seemed to be exploding out of a big rock. apparently the king in dubai loves horses, so there's quite a few carvings and paintings of horses pretty much everywhere.


dubai is quite a fascinating city, it's tax free cause the government doesn't exactly need money from the citizens, they get money from exporting Oil to other countries. so they're a pretty rich country, and with that money they decided to make dubai a futuristic city. they're planning on building an underwater hotel which is at-the-moment being built in Germany. they're building the tallest building in the world and they're not telling anyone how tall it is because if someone else builds something taller, they can just add another couple of levels to retain the title of the country with the tallest building. it's sorta like Lego if u ask me.


so how do i know all these facts? that's because i'm sitting on the big bus...yeap it's pretty big and it's called The Big Bus (ha...ha). my family and i were sitting on the upper deck of the bus so we got to see the sights and the views. it's so hot when the sun shines but it's good cause when the bus was moving, hell the wind whipped my face and it was bloody cold! apparently during the summer, u can expect the temperature to go up to 45 degrees. oh yeah, there's gonna be some roasting during the summer.


this is the world's most expensive hotel and it is classified as the only 7 star hotel. a night in this hotel can set u back RM10,000 to RM48,000 and apparently (according to the tour guide) u have to book two weeks in advance just to go inside and have coffee which will cost about RM250. btw i didnt calculate this, the currency in Dubai is 1 to 1 for msian ringgits. oh yeah, entry to this hotel is RM100, yeap we're just talking about going inside and taking a look. i cant believe there's a cover charge for a hotel, it's insane but it exists. so what's so special about this hotel? if book a night in this hotel, there will be a limo sent to get u from the airport and they will bring u to ur room. no u didnt read wrongly, they will BRING u TO ur ROOM. the limo goes straight into the elevator which will take u up to ur hotel room, OR u can choose to pay more and take the helicopter from the airport to this hotel. yeap there's a landing pad on the top. talk about arriving in style...


after listening to the facts and the futuristic plans for dubai we had to stop by the museum and check out the past. so there's my granddad posing in front of the museum which was in the shape of a castle.


what the hell is there to do in a museum? check out the history, read the past, find out how they got to where they are now, oh and of course! take obscene photos! yes here i am with another guy, and he loves it up the ass. hahaha my sister took this photo and we ended up taking alot of photos that will upset the locals in dubai if they saw it.


this is what the arabs do, sit around in their camps with guns and swords and a no smoking sign next to them. oh wait there's my sister...she apparently wanted to join in with them...and looks like she is preparing to swim...why is she pretending to swim when everything around her is sand? puzzling...


that's a fake camel, yeah we took alot of photos which would make the dalai lama bitchslap richard gere. i would post the photo of what my sister and i did to the ass of this camel but i dont think anyone wants to see that.


so the next day we took a safari trip to the dessert, where we sat in a jeep that took us around the dessert. it was a bumpy ride and hell it was fun! the guy revved and went up slopes and went down it sideways...it was like a rollercoaster ride!my mom and dad trying not to fall off the steep slope in the dessert. they were pretty woozy after the ride in the jeep. we had so much fun just sitting in the car. and the driver, yeah he was cute.
we had to see the camels in dubai, i've never seen one in my life. they smelt HORRIBLE! and i saw one pissing and the one behind it licking it's private area while it was pissing (drinking up the pee perhaps?). it was disgusting! then i saw a camel eat another camel's shit! according to the driver, the camels are one of the smartest animals in the world, u can even teach it to kiss. after seeing what they do i doubt i would wanna french kiss any camel.


yeah they're disgusting and smelly creatures, but they were so friendly. when my sister was taking this photo of me and the camel, it's head was actually facing the camera, but when i started stroking it's neck, it's head came down and started wrapping around me sorta like a hug. it was a pleasant end to a fantastic trip.

before i left i saw this camel licking the rust off the metal railings. it's tongue was so long...imagine what they could do...hhahaha disgusting alert. well anyways this stupid camel almost spat at me! i got away in time and got laughed at by the tourists. i'll be forever known as the poor asian guy who almost got spat on by a camel.

so to end off the trip, we spent the evening in this camp where we got to ride dirt bikes and ride on camels and try the local food. there was also a show on belly dancing by a rather plump woman who u can tell, is very good in bed. do u expect less out of belly dancers? this is the last photo of my holiday out of malaysia, and i must say it was one of the best trips EVER.

so this is my advice to travellers
1) visit london for the sales
2) visit prague for the history
3) visit dubai for the futuristic plans
4) most importantly TRY THE FOOD!

and always watch the ground while u're walking. i stepped on horse shit when i was in london which was a nasty thing to get off.

2nd Stop: Prague

prague is such a beautiful city with such a sad past. this is one of the first few photos i took in prague and i loved it coz everyone there was so gloomy and down but this child was happily skipping with her mother and tripped and then got up with a bright smile on her face. the buildings are so old and it's unbelievable, knowing that i am touching something that's over a few centuries old and no i'm not talking about elton john. the weather there was -2 degrees and it was freezing cold, even worse than london and if u know me, i loved every bit of it.
after settling into our hotel which was pretty fabulous i might say, we went out to get some local food and beer! the food portion there was humungous and yummy! the beer was like elixer to me, so i had a couple and started talking giberish to my granddad in the corner there. he laughed it off and we had more drinks until my mother started complaining that we were disgraceful asians in a foreign country so we had to stop.

since we only had 3 days there and i didnt bring my phone charger (crap...) i had very little time to go exploring and take photos of everything i saw. this is the famous charles bridge (if i remember correctly). i was walking alone around the city that night and this bridge...it's so haunting and beautiful at the same time. there were statues every 20 feet on the bridge, i couldnt take the photo coz it was too dark. i felt so....lonely weirdly enough. it was such a beautiful place and here i am whining again, but i was literally alone. i sorta understand why the Czechs are so depressed most of the time.

it's amazing how they put such a modern spin to buildings that are a few centuries old. i took this photo on my way back to the hotel. on the right hand side there was a huge club with techno music blasting it's way out into the streets. speaking of music, i noticed that the people in prague loved oldies, in every restaurant or store i went into there were music and it came from the 70s and 80s. i now understand more of why the Czechs are depressed.

this is the last photo i took in prague. i saved up my most of my battery for this and it was worth it. this is the famous Astrological Clock near the palace. i dont really know how it works, the tour guide was explaining it but i was too busy...umm...checking out other things. yeah there was a cute korean dude on my tour ride. i'm such a dingbat. but i did pay attention to some of the things he said, like stuff he said when we visited the Palace and if the flag is up, the president is in the palace, the church that took 600 years to build (which was extremely beautiful), the jewish holocaust and the obelisk that was built for the jewish people who died during the holocaust, the market which the astrological clock was built near, etc. ooo cute korean guy...

it snowed the day before i took this photo during the night, and it was beautiful. this is the first time in 12 years that i've seen snow. even though it was just a couple of hours during the night...it was the epitome of beauty. it covered the streets like a white blanket and as soon as it arrived it was gone the next day. my sister and i did have a snowball fight which ended abruptly after my parents and my grand dad got hit in the bum....not by me though

so the prague trip was over, we went back to london where we spent the next few days returning the clothes that we bought during the x-mas sale that we didnt try on and bought and couldnt fit in. I CANT BELIEVE I CANNOT FIT INTO A XL T-SHIRT FROM TOPMAN! that really pissed me off...am i really that big? no, wait...dont answer that.

First Stop: London BABY~

welcome to london! this is the first photo i took on my arrival to london and that's the famous underground train station, well i took it coz it was pretty cool at first. 16 hours of flight doesnt do well to a person, so therefore no photos of me on the first day.


my family stayed at my aunt's place in sudbury town, there were 4 families living in this house so therefore i had to sleep on the floor for several days. when i arrived at the house at the corner there was this big sign that said THE CHINE, hahaha it's pretty ironic stating the fact that this house is occupied by over 10 people and all of them were CHINEse.



so after a long rest the first day, the second day we decided to go out, it was about 3 degrees and it was friggin cold, and no that's not me wrapped up in 5 pieces of clothing, that's just me with a shirt underneath that huge jacket, and yes i'm fat. hahaha the cigarette in my hand was quite distasteful...


my first meal in london, yeah their portions are pretty huge and i loved it. i gained so much weight but who the hell cares! it's LONDON BABY! btw this meal cost me about RM40 so being malaysian, i inhaled everything. i didnt take any photos after this but i did alittle bit of shopping the whole day

the famous oxford circus, i was in a bus with my cousins and sister which u could see below. it was a busy and bumbling street where no one really cares what the hell u're doing, they just wanna get to where they're going

when coming to london, of corz u have to take photos whereever u go, so we decided to pose for the camera and take a photo on the way to camden town, where my aunts and uncles have shops there.

the arrival of camden town...huge street with ALOT of funky people. we're talking punks, goths and a whole lot more. one store i walked into sold chains and leather, i took one look and walked out. i didnt dare see what else was inside...

this was taken at my aunt's shop, she sold hats and stuff so i took the chance to try on everything she's got. my sister and my cousin soon joined in and i'm not tooting my own horn here but we looked damn fine in those hats that i had to get not one, but two and bring it back here.

yeap we wore those hats back, and with my hair being dry and unmanagable i wore it home back to my aunt's place. we had to take a photo with part of my family in camden town.

second day in london, well this was taken on the first day but i totally forgot about it. hahaha yeah it was freezing cold and it was fantastic. me loves the cold weather!

what do chinese people do when they're in a foreign place? check out chinatown of corz! had a horrible meal there and vowed never to step into a chinatown restaurant ever again...until the next day.








me and my cousins bumming and chilling out at home. of corz after a busy day of endless walking, there must be a time to go out and have fun...but where?

where else but a gay bar in london with my best friend. what do u think? i would step into a straight bar and get harrassed by straightees? no way, i had loads of fun and engulfed shots after shots and whiskey and jelly shots and i cant really remember what happened that night.

hell yeah i went clubbing after getting drunk. it was time to get down, dirty and sweaty (literally) with the crowd and we rocked it.

nah we didnt rock it, we brought it on till 4 in the morning and took an exhausting bus ride home and i passed out on the living room couch. what happened in that club? sorry, i dont kiss and tell...

yeah the next day was full of shopping again. after the long day my mom and my aunt and uncle passed by this street where Stella McCartney's boutique was! whoopie~ i've never seen her designs so i was outside oogling at what she had to offer...wasnt exactly a big hoot though.

so london trip over...next stop, PRAGUE~!