i sat at the dining table, 3AM in the morning watching tears run down my father's face. i felt sad and i wanted to breakdown and cry as well but with just the two of us sitting there, i knew that one of us had to be strong. it was heart-wrenching watching a grown man who had watched me grow up and provided for me and my family cry.
about a couple of hours ago from now my parents got into a huge fight which upset my father alot. i came back home from a night out with my friends and was heading towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water when he came down, face all red from drinking and he told me that i should be matured and face my future head on. this is my dad. whenever he finishes arguing with my mom he comes and lays down the guilt trip on me. i sat down with him and asked him what happened and he told me everything that happened earlier in the afternoon. over a small little thing during lunch with my uncle's family, things got heated up and everyone got angry at each other. i didnt participate since i woke up late but my dad explained everything to me. it wasnt my place to teach my dad anything but i sat down and listened to him and tried to advise him to talk to my mother and my sister. the thing is my father had the knack of choosing the most inappropriate time to talk about certain things. i knew my parents had communication problems and suggested couple's counselling for both of them to my dad. he told me i've grown up alot but not academically and feels like i've taken a step back in life.
and there is where the conversation began, about my life. i told my father i never understood why everyone around me tells me i'm an intelligent kid, i'm not. this is a potrayal of me which can fool anyone who doesnt dig deep in my life to know the REAL me. i dont know what i want to do in life, i dont know where i'm gonna end up, i dont know where my future will lie occupation-wise. that's when i realized i dont really talk to my father about my feelings and all these things. my dad is a very understanding person, he told me he has tried to give everything to us (the family) and he is in a point in his life where he's beginning to lose hope and feel useless. that's when he popped the question: "have i been a terrible father?"
my dad hasnt been the perfect father, the best man alive, the greatest husband but he damn hell tried and i will beat the shit out of anyone who doesnt think so. he's my father and in my eyes (even though at times i dont respect him very much) he's been a great dad. i told him that exactly what i thought of him.
it's funny how things turn out good after a bad day. my father was having an awful day. i really hope that this conversation with him will cheer him up. i spoke to him about my the politics at my job and seeked advice on what to do, he taught me alot of things tonight; about the corporate world, the backstabbing & politics, advertising and marketing, etc. for a moment i saw a glimpse of what his life was like and that made me respect him more.
to me, tonight was the first time i ever connected with my father.
in my eyes he's a hero.
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