Turning Back & Facing Front

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Money can't buy you back the love that you had then.

Reminiscing about life, we ponder over the things that we regret doing. Haunted by the memories of things we've done that we're not proud of or are embarrassed of, I cringe every time I think about these situations. So, if we had the gift of time traveling (many thanks to Hiro Nakamura), is there anything in life you would do over again?

I'm often asked about my sexuality, whether I'm gay or bisexual. I answer whatever they want to hear. To me, my sexuality does not have to be explicit to everyone. And in addition, if I answer wrongly, there'll be a barrage of questions which I rather avoid answering. This got me thinking, if I could travel back in time, what could I have done to change my sexuality?

Maybe it was the constant moving of different countries that made me view relationships and friendships differently. Meeting new people all the time and never having someone whom I can call a friend, it's hard for a guy my age at that time. I was the odd one out, since most of the people during my high school had already established their friendships since elementary and middle school.

Could I possibly change my childhood and be one of the bullies instead of being bullied? During my elementary school days I remember saying "This is my friend." as I hugged my best friend from behind when the kids were telling me I had none. He left a year after that, leaving me to fend off the mean kids by myself.

But I digress, does this really matter? Is the answer to my life's problems as simple as being straight? Is it easier to fall in love when both parties are heterosexual?

It does seem easier at times, just to turn straight and fuck some girl, get her pregnant and live a life of work to support my unborn child and a mother-to-be. Or hang out with straight guys trolling pubs and clubs in order to get laid.

Maybe it is easier just being straight. It certainly is quite hard to fall in love and live a life of monogamy in the gay world of infinite choices.

But I rather live life the way I am now, idealistic as it is.

After all, who ever said life was easy?