Meeting people that I thought I would have a connection with, I realize that it is hard to find someone whom I am able to connect with emotionally and mentally. Especially with guys around my age or younger than I am; they tend to think on a whole different level. Not to say that I am matured for my age, I'd like to think that they haven't experienced the shit the world has to offer them yet.
The last guy I dated was a disaster waiting to happen. Conflicted by his issues of wanting to look like a stereotypical Greek God and not having it, he hides himself behind a mask of delusion; reassuring everyone around him that he may not be good looking, but at least some guy/girl is checking him out. To believe that beauty is determined by others is a crock of shite. A bigger load of shite is when you're trying to convince the people around you that you are indeed the epitome of beauty.
I am currently going through a revolving door of bad dates and people that are generally bad for me and my Achilles' heel is that I can't seem to bring myself to say No or I'm not interested. Instead I wait. I wait for them to realize that I secretly want to rip off my leg so I have something to beat them with.
A guy that I am not attracted to at all, not even on the primary level of communication, just told me that I am the right person for him and he wants to "go after" me. With what? A pitchfork? So that he can stab me and sell my organs in the black market to buy his next Louis Vuitton man-bag? Huh...
Well I did the worst thing possible. I lied. I'm not going to say how I lied but I am not proud of it. I just can't seem to bring myself to say, "Hey, you're materialistic and you're shallow. Also you're more flamboyant than Pepe Le Pew. Sorry but this just ain't gonna work out."
So basking in my shame and with my tail in between my legs, I bowed out before I got myself into something I could not handle again.
Not because I choose to. It's because I have to.
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