Can't You Just Adore Him?

Someone once said that two halves make a whole. Is that why we all feel the need to have a spouse or a lover?

Coming back from my high school friend's wedding reception, I felt a twinge the emotional baggage I thought I had left behind. I watched her from afar, going from table to table with her newly wed husband and thought to myself, I had never seen her this happy my entire life; even though it was a shotgun wedding. I do suppose that the pregnancy was a blessing in disguise; she has been together with him for 5 years and seeing them together, I have to say that they were meant for each other.

The bride came over and talked to me for a while, and also unexpectedly tried to set me up with a lecturer from a local college. Even during wedding dinners, I'm being shunned for being single. My high school classmates whom I had not seen for a couple of years kept asking me, "Why are you single?". Like I don't get asked that question enough. I don't even know how to answer a question like that. Even if I do, why should I be subjected to the sympathetic faces they give? So I did what all single people do. Make generic jokes about being tied down.

Deep inside I know. I know it's rather lonely at times and sitting and waiting for my friends to arrive, I realized how good it is to have a partner there with you. I waited for an hour and a half for my high school friends to show up (they apparently got stuck in traffic), and I just sat there alone.

I guess that was it.

I am alone.

And it was made apparent when the dinner started and I didn't know where to sit. So I waited for the familiar faces to arrive. I had a lot of time to sit and think about what was going on in my life. I had this overwhelming emotion of missing a part of myself. Is there actually something fundamentally wrong with me that I can't seem to be able to retain a relationship?

I just couldn't help but feel like I'm life's latest mistake.