L'ennui

i hate how gay life is potrayed as clubbing, sex, drugs and having a promiscuous lifestyle. it sickens as well as saddens me that many gay men are in fact into that kinda lifestyle. week after week of ecstasy, cocaine, special k, ice, whatever u call it man, it's awful! if it's like this u might as well inject me with a handfull of horse tranquillizers and call it a week. i mean what i'm trying to say here is that what happened to those who search for love and are domesticated and are anti-drugs? are those called lesbians now?

it's just sad to see people get swept away by drugs and see them head into the toilet sniffing shit and popping pills into their mouths. then they come out with their eyes dilated and minds just completely scrambled like my eggs in the morning.

anyhoo today was totally unproductive. i sat for an hour and a half just trying to finish my assignment and i get so distracted by smses and msgs online that i still havent finished it. not only that i was supposed to pick up my stuff that was left in my ex's place and i totally forgot about it until just now. i guess i have to leave it to tomorow or the day after to get it then. i'm starting to hate leaving things and doing things later. i'm starting to be quite anal now, with doing my assignments days before it's due...OH NO! i'm becoming....a nerd! i should get nerd frames to go with my new look.

so yeah my body's aching...i feel like someone sat on certain parts of my body for a day or two and just got off. oh rite and i signed up for celebrity fitness already so i guess i have to go tomorow afternoon...preferably after classes. i have to psyche myself up in order to get captain fabulouso's body that i want oh-so-badly. geez i'm turning into one of those gym freaks...i really hope i dont start talking about it even with my friends about cardio, protein shakes, trainers, etc etc. it's scary enough that i know some of these stuff already. yeah i'll update later on tonite...after i finish my assignment. laterz~

Lagrimas De Oro (Golden Tears)

i went to the gym today! oh gosh it's pretty cool, the adrenaline rush and everything. it's so saddening to actually go thru the process of losing weight. yucks i hate gyms actually but celebrity fitness is alright. i pretty much sat around and chatted to friends. talk about cute guys running around doing cardio and weights...ahhh~~~

i cant wait for tomorow actually...coz i'll go there again and work out and check out guys. seriously some of them are so cute they made me wanna cry. i wanted to check out the steam room but damnit i couldnt find it so i ended up showering and saying goodbye to my friends and left.

so i'm sitting here, with my assignment that's due on friday which i havent started, chatting with some guy named brett and dreaming about this guy i saw and sorta had eye-sex with. i honestly think celebrity fitness is quite cruisy, maybe that's why there's quite a few gay guys there running around. maybe there'll be something more interesting the next time i go. until then, laterz!

*update* met a guy, cute as can be. but can u guess his name? let's see, a hint for those of u who are guessing. an old time singer who has been dead for a long time (or did he die?) and sang 'Are You Lonesome Tonight?'. that's right folks, step right up and see the chinese version of the King of Rock 'n Roll. adorable and rumoured to be a great kisser (i dont kiss and tell folks). haha jokes aside he is absolutely funny and cute and hopefully we can hit Redbox to see whether his name lives up to his legend.

fabulous, absolutely fabulous.

Assume: Making an ASS out of U and ME

i met a friend who i havent seen in a long time today. it's been great to catch up with the people i lost contact with or havent kept in touch with for a long time. we just basically chated over everything, our lives over coffee. it's pretty cool becoz i have been meeting up with some old friends and i really appreciate their help and honesty. i know i have been a bad friend (WL4 to be exact)and i feel horrible coz i havent been in their lives for the past year. so from today onwards i'm going to not let anyone stop me from hanging out with my friends, they stuck with me thru the good, the bad and the ugly. and that my friends is what true friendship is all about.

so later on i'm meeting Kn and Kth for a drink somewhere close by. i havent seen Kn in the longest time ever so catching up with him would be great. hopefully it would stop raining by the time i have to go coz it's like thundering here.

rite now i'm telling my friend to msg my ex to tell him i left some stuff at his place like my Ipod and speakers and stuff. hopefully Jy would come along with me so i dont have to do it alone and i dont really wanna face him at this moment. i'm afraid if i see him i'll kick his cheatin ass. so i'm still retaining this optimistic behaviour and being happy.

~checking out~

Underneath It All

breaking up is really hard. especially when u find out ur partner has been cheating behind ur back after u break up. to be honest i was so angry at first but speaking to a dear and wise friend, i realized i should channel the anger into something that builds character and would do me good, so i'm going to join the GYM! yeah yeah i know, i've been ranting on about how the gym is evil and it's like a cult and everything but i figured if i could at least get healthier from it why not? i just need to channel this angry part of me into a punching bag or running till i have no breath.

so from this time till i settle down in a gym i plan to rant on about other things instead, well only to my friends when we're out having a drink.

okay i sorta have no idea what else to write here anymore. it's been too long since i put down my thoughts so it's too scattered. i think i'll just leave it at this and continue on tomorow. have a good week ahead guys!

Holiday Travels

Happy New Year everybody! so i just came back from taiwan/shenzhen/hong kong and i had an alright time there. i think it's becoz i was travelling with my family which made it extremely boring but i got to spend some quality time with the parentals, my sister, my aunt and my grandfather.

so i was pretty much visiting temples and villages in taiwan, it wasnt as cold as i expected it to be. it was horribly boring there, my baby was alright with me going to this club called...Funky i think. wow talk about dodgy. clubs which are located at the basement level playing chinese songs at 250bpm...yeah that's what i call dodgy. actually i could imagine going down there and having a drink with friends IF i had any there, maybe that was the IT factor which made it utterly boring, i had no friends there and plus i was travelling with my family. so x-mas eve and x-mas day came and went, taipei i found wasnt exactly really popular with bars but they love their karaoke. so a suggestion for future travellers going to taiwan, make sure u got friends there and dont expect much apart from moderately good food unless u like visiting temples.

shenzhen came and went as well, there was nothing much to do there as my mother was shopping for curtains which i had to carry from the shop down to my hotel. with an aching back and sprained foot i do not advise anyone to go through what i went through. anyways where i stayed there was alot of prostitution going on, gigolos and prozzies are bold, they would come up to u and ask u in chinese whether u wanted to be "happy". hahaha now the highlight of the whole shenzhen trip is watching my grandfather get harrassed by them, harrassed meaning they followed him around and asked him for "happiness" and his phone number. hahaha!

hong kong was good. i met up with erica and zen and kei kei and anna. it was pretty cool but i only got to see them for a day coz we stayed there for only 2 days. yeah but throughout the whole holiday i was missing my baby loads. i won this monkey doll and dressed him up like my marcus and slept with it throughout the whole time i was there. anyways i gotta run, update ya next time diary!

Marcus & Me

i dont know what to feel. yesterday night was absolutely blurry apart from the first part of the night which was arriving at LQ, dressed horribly. so i woke up today with marcus next to me. i felt...full, complete. i missed him so much and having him lying next to me just felt so wonderful. there's just so many things i wanted to say, but i dare not say it, i'm just really scared i might screw things up if i said something wrong. we later met up with jo wen and her friends at Redbox and...it just felt weird. i love him so much but it felt like we were strangers coz we broke up for so long. i want to forget about the past and look forward to the future. i dont care anymore...i used to be insecure and i still am, but i just dont want our pasts to get in the way anymore. i dont know what's going on with us, whether we are together again or what but i really wish that we really are together again. i just missed him so much these past few months...

Heren HMV

i remember sitting and reading Dan Brown's Angel & Demons for the whole day, sometime when i was in sg. hahah yes i'm still ranting on about it coz alot of things happened. what a cruisy little place it was! but me being conservative i didnt like attention, especially when i had my 'armour' on, and by armour i mean my book, my cigarettes, a glass of iced tea and my mobile on silent. so there i was, sitting and reading the best book i've ever read and got me hooked on to it for days when i saw the most gorgeous looking guy (well to me...i have weird taste). my jaws dropped and i swear a fly went in and went out and i didnt even notice.

wow...he was so pretty it made me want to cry. well i was trying hard not to look but it was distracting especially when he was sitting at my 11'o'clock so being me i stole glances here and there, and he caught me looking a few times and being utterly embarrassed at him realizing i was gawking at him with my mouth wide open, i drank my iced tea, nearly choked on it, stuffed all my belongings into my bag and ran to the bathroom with my cheeks burning red. i wouldnt go back until he left, so i went around window shopping for a minute and waited at the fountain area till he left the cafe.

gosh the most embarrassing moment of my life...well at least i got something out of it...heh heh heh!