Ante Up

Forgiveness
Is all about saying sorry
To forgive is divine
So let's just have a glass of wine
And have make-up sex
Til the end of time...time...time...time...timeeeeee

Lyrics by Anna Faris (From the movie Just Friends)

things are starting to pick up in life. although i havent 100% fully recovered from the emotional distress i went through, i just know it's getting better. with good friends around me and knowing that people do care, it just lifts my spirits up and gives me confidence to do much more.

so my market value hasnt dropped yet suprisingly enough. it has just shifted from one end to the other. how funny life turns out to be. i was at this karaoke bar and funnily enough it turned out to be really packed so the people who worked there were really nice, they shifted the tables and we ended up sitting on this really high table top thing with everyone staring at me and my friend danial. being uncomfortable with so many roaming eyes just focusing on our table coz it's alot higher than the normal ones, i began to sink into this deep side of myself and i became self conscious of what i did. suprisingly enough someone by the name of Adrian gave me his number. i dont know who it was coz he passed it to one of the people who worked there to pass it to me and this guy didnt tell me who it was. so Adrian, if u're reading this, i lost the paper with ur number on it and thanx so much for passing it to me. it made me feel better about myself

so right, i met new friends and i had a great time singing in front of people and have them yell out MORE! it's fun to listen to people to sing as well. geez, i never knew that many gay people can sing...and pretty well too! anyways it was fun, i met a nice chap thru a friend on friday night. had drinks with him yesterday and he turned out to be...somewhat different from the people i usually meet. sadly enough, i cannot afford to invest my feelings in him because he's leaving to the US/Aus soon. but whatever i tell myself i just cant stop thinking about him. i have forgotten how he looks like...only a feeling.

i cant do anything. my hands are tied. i know if i loosen the knots and let myself go, i will end up getting hurt again with him leaving me. so i might as well just crawl underneath my covers and hope that i dont develop intense feelings...