Reunited?

it's 7.15AM in the morning, i just came back from my ex's house. i dont know what to feel right now. it's like i'm happy but at the same time i'm scared and nervous.

i got a msg from marcus asking me if we could talk. smses were sent back and forth and it was like devastating to me at first because i was just wondering what he wanted. i thought he was with someone, or he should be by now. i'm not sure, i didnt ask. but somehow or rather we got into talking about us and our relationship. to be completely honest after seeing him in the gym the other day i fell apart. i always thought i was strong and if one day i saw him i would hold my head up high and say that i'm over him. unfortunately that's not how things turned out to be. i talked to simon about this for a while (i was practically obsessing) and i think i bored him to death with my incessant ranting about why he was in MY gym. anyways to cut things short i missed him alot. i started reminiscing about funny stuff like how we went to see memoirs of a geisha and i told him off for going tsk tsk tsk at every horrible moment or how he always made that stupid funny face which made me laugh all the time and the times when he called me cat boy (long story).

well i'm laughing right now, i dont know why. i guess cause i'm happy. but i'm also terrified. i'm scared that things will turn out the same way and i'm wondering when will it end and when would we be happy? is it really meant to be? my wise friend jimmy told me that God has plans for everyone and he told me that when i was ready for a relationship He would send one to me. is this the relationship i long for ever since i was old enough to understand the relationship between a man and another man?

i really dont know what will happen in the future. i just hope that we are both mature enough to face the facts and the truth and also just compromise because we want to be with each other. these past 6 months have been a rocky road for me but i've learnt and am still learning to deal with myself and my life, but questions still linger in my mind, like can he accept my life? is he going to force me to adapt to his perfect version of my life? under these circumstances i told him we should go slow and just start with a fresh slate and start dating again. at least just catch up with each other and see how it works from there. i just know i missed him alot, seeing him infront of me just now...i just wanted to hold him and kiss him, but my mind told me no, i should have a bit of self control and respect for myself. so yes i'm going to take it slow. i want to carve a road for ourselves so we can be with each other.

i'm petrified of the consequences, but i know i should just try and make things work.