Emission Implausible

Congratulate me! this is my 100th diary entry! free pen(his) and pen(hers) for everyone!

waiting for love is such a drag. i've been single for at least half a year now and it hasnt exactly been smooth sailing. the guys whom are interested in me, i have no interests in and the guys whom i am interested in have no interest in me. i dont think i'm setting a benchmark for my partner, all i'm asking for is someone who i can share my dreams, my passions, my hopes, my failures, my depressions with, just someone who i can rely on at times of happiness and trouble. is that asking too much?

i've been meeting alot of people lately, going out on dates and doing alittle bit of PR work for this bar i go to frequently and i have met some potentials; one of which i met recently and i can imagine myself holding onto him and sniffing his neck while he's sleeping. and funnily enough he's around my age! i could talk to him for hours and stare into his dreamy eyes, at his milky white face, his sexy lips but unfortunately he's into older men. to be totally honest i havent been acting like myself lately, i know i'm matured in my thinking but my actions prove differently, so i've been trying to lead this guy into thinking i'm alot more matured than he thinks i am. i dont think age should play a particular factor when looking for a suitable mate, i'm not ageist and i think most people shouldnt be. sigh...anyways his name is Douglas and i want so much to just lock on to those chewable lips and never let go. i dont know what to do, i just cant stop thinking about him. when i'm sitting there at 65 talking to a guy whom i know has the hots for me, i wonder what he's doing and is he thinking about me as well. i should slap myself silly for being such a highschool girl but i just cant help myself.

can i win him over with my charisma? can i sweet talk him into thinking about me night and day? can i make him feel the same way i feel for him? these questions would remain unanswered for now, i'm hoping that in the next few weeks i would be able to find the answer i'm looking for.

so in the meantime i sit at the bar and wait...listening to Wang Lee Homs and Mariah Careys sing their favourite songs...waiting for the next time i could meet him again.