Expectations Only Lead To Disappointment

it's been a while since i've updated my diary, and thank u to all the people who took the time to read my diary and who sent me an e-mail commenting on it. yes i do like to write, this is the only way and place where i am able to vent out my frustration, my sadness, my depression, my happiness, my experiences and my thoughts.

i'm thinking of moving down to UK to be with my relatives and maybe live there for a year or so after i graduate. it's been my dream to find someone whom i can really be myself with and whom i can trust and share my life with, move down to london with him and just live there for a couple of years.

i've been going on dates, meeting guys and not to mention weirdos who keep changing their fridae account and adding me and e-mailing me, it's this 19 year old mixed dude from JB who's completely a freak. well anyways yeah i have been going on dates, dates which dont really have a lasting impression on me.

it's usually me not really into him, and him really into me, that, i dont get. i'm just wondering how out of the 8 relationships i had, why does it always have them liking me first and me not that interested in them? the ones that i like, i lose interest very quickly, the ones that i have no interest in seem to fall for me.

i just want to meet someone whom i'm attracted to emotionally and physically and mentally, i recently met someone who could but he was attached unfortunately but i did manage to have a really great chat with him. i dont need to be with someone smart, if i wanted someone smart i would probably go for my lecturer, i guess i just need someone whom i can really talk to...about everything.

i dont expect much, i dont want to expect much, cause expectations only lead to disappointment, and i cant bear to be disappointed again....no not again.