i think i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, feeling depressed and very down, i just feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and there's no where to run away from it.
i guess it's the fact that my birthday is coming up, and reminicsing about my birthdays in the past hasnt exactly been a joyride for me. i've never had a birthday where i felt happy or satisfied or even remotely content. at the age of 6 or 7, my family and i went to Bali on a family trip as well as to spend my birthday there, i remember vividly the screams and the shouting from my mother and father at each other while i sat in the corner huddled with my sister crying. finally she couldnt take it anymore and started arguing with them as well. so i just sat there and wished myself happy birthday while i cried myself to sleep.
on my 11th birthday, i had no friends who celebrated with me since i just came back from Malaysia to continue my studies as well as my dad being relocated back here. i felt alone cause my sister wasnt exactly coping with school well and went into her shell, my father was trying to re-adjust his life, my mother was taking care of the financial issues, they had forgotten my birthday. so there i was again, alone in my bedroom trying to get to sleep and wishing the horrible day that is my birthday would end.
the birthdays that came after that just went downhill from there. i just didnt bother celebrating my birthday anymore, what's the point? it's next week monday when i hit 22 and i'm celebrating it in an exam hall. after that it's just gonna be me and my pillow and it'll be on my way to dreamland throughout the day.
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