i had a fight with marcus just now, something which i dont understand. i love him loads and i want to help him so much but he cares so much about what people think of him that he would place me behind his reputation.
i've been learning to let go of the past, a wise friend told me that if one plans to have a long term relationship u've got to be able to look the other way. this is what i'm desperately trying to do. but in this world of infinite possibilities, what if the past just comes back to haunt u, or ur significant other will not let it slide by and reminds u of it constantly? what is one supposed to do when this happens?
listening to marcus talk about his ex while we were apart...breaks my heart but i'm trying to be strong and make jokes out of it. i want to grow and be matured and just let little things like these not get to me. but it really hurts me when i try to be a good person and offer him help and he just lashes these little toxic statements about the past and listening to people twist my stories and then blowing it all up on me.
why cant people just let things go? i've been called a liar, i've been called a slut, i've been called a bastard, i've been called the black sheep in the family, but i could not care less about what people think. at least i'm honest to myself and i know myself better than anyone.
i die alittle inside everytime he thinks so negatively of me. it hurts me so much to know that he has this mindset of my character being like shit. how am i supposed to grow if someone i love with my heart and soul wont let me?
i think the bigger question is when will we both mature and be the person who we want ourselves to be...
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