Hexant's Monstrosity

i have a dark side, a side of me which i detest, he's too proud to admit anything and the pushes all the pain and suffering to me, he says things that i dont really mean and he shoves the consequences in my face, he clouds my mind with disturbing images and he drives me to the brink of insanity.

i have named him Hexant.

i have been trying to push everything away from my mind and i'm focusing on what's important to me. right now i'm trying to converge all my energy into doing my assignments. no going out and no drinking. i've been too dependant on alcohol to solve all my problems. my finals are coming up and i dont want to be the major screw-up like i was last year. i believe my spots can change, if i put my mind to it and will it to happen.

so i'm done with my feminist theory test, yes i do take Feminist Theories as a subject, and no i dont think i'll turn into a lesbian anytime soon. i do believe in feminism and to deconstruct everything that is essentialised. that's what media students do anyways rite?

i'm also trying to be happy, to put myself in shoes that fit and catch that balloon that seems so far away. listening to music really helps, especially clubbing music coz it's bubbly and fun.

so there i am in the car blasting Madonna's Sorry while driving. i'm singing to it and moving my shoulders and body to the music when i realized my windows are not tinted, nor is it painted black. so i turn to my right and i looked into the car next to me. there they were, a bunch of girls in a black Toyota laughing hysterically at me and pointing and mimicing my moves. gosh i was so embarrassed and i still am. so what i did was smile sheepishly and sink into my seat and prayed to all my gods for the light to turn green so i can speed off. it took forever so i turned to look at them again and they were gesturing for me to start dancing again and were mouthing Come On! oh well what to do? an entertainer needs to entertain, so i blasted Sugababes' Red Dress and i started dancing and singing again. these girls just started laughing...and fortunately the lights turned green so i waved bye-bye and went on my way.

i've learnt my lesson: to never to blast music unless i'm really drunk.