Life has been technically great! i have got good friends with me to get me thru a horrible break up with a horrible person. i just wish my pancak3 was here so i could hug him to sleep. he would probably suffocate in my arms. buahahahaah :P
looking forward to the pink party. hopefully it'll be good. and i've made up my mind to not let things come to me. i'm going to go out there and get some. life's a tub of ice cream, i'm grabbing a spoon and taking a whole chunk of it.
actually...to be honest there's a certain someone i've been setting my eyes on. i'm quite sure a good friend of mine knows of whom i am speaking of. heh... he's cute once i see him but when i think of him he's not really that cute. ahhh just taking things slowly. hopefully nothing goes wrong and i'm able to maintain a relationship which lasts longer than a tic-tac. -_-;
Friday, November 12, 2004
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Wednesday, November 10th 2004, 6.10AM
Goodbye my first love
Being with you was not a waste
The past
Every scene
Can be admired at your wish
Don't forget
Our relationship has still yet to blossom
Because we have too much youth
So we change our goals every day and night
Use our limited precious time to trade for unlimited attractions
Next year
We'll meet at the flagpole
Whoever comes first must wait
Our love will re-live within 10 seconds
But our knowledge will be deeper
And our perception will be greater
Hope we will both have our partners with us
Us two
Have sweated together before
You and me in this moment
Can be recorded and kept
So we can still see it in the days to come
Don't forget that only us two is enough
If you miss the memories of the past too much
Looking at the picture of us two
I hope you will say that this me is more beautiful
Next year
We'll set a date
Whoever meets their companion first
We'll be clear
We can't be jealous or have hatred in our heart
Use even brighter laughter
To leave an even more beautiful memory
Celebrate for you
My friend...
Being with you was not a waste
The past
Every scene
Can be admired at your wish
Don't forget
Our relationship has still yet to blossom
Because we have too much youth
So we change our goals every day and night
Use our limited precious time to trade for unlimited attractions
Next year
We'll meet at the flagpole
Whoever comes first must wait
Our love will re-live within 10 seconds
But our knowledge will be deeper
And our perception will be greater
Hope we will both have our partners with us
Us two
Have sweated together before
You and me in this moment
Can be recorded and kept
So we can still see it in the days to come
Don't forget that only us two is enough
If you miss the memories of the past too much
Looking at the picture of us two
I hope you will say that this me is more beautiful
Next year
We'll set a date
Whoever meets their companion first
We'll be clear
We can't be jealous or have hatred in our heart
Use even brighter laughter
To leave an even more beautiful memory
Celebrate for you
My friend...
Wednesday, November 10th 2004, 5.53AM
Yes, it's almost 6
Eyes like latterns burning on through the night
It's nights like these which make the mind wander
Wandering like little red shoes prancing happily
Happy, i will be once i get my wish
My wish? the person i love to be sleeping next to me
Everything has it's own beginning
Everything has it's own end
Happiness cannot exist without sadness
Sadness cannot exist without happiness
What an ironic world we live in
Eyes like latterns burning on through the night
It's nights like these which make the mind wander
Wandering like little red shoes prancing happily
Happy, i will be once i get my wish
My wish? the person i love to be sleeping next to me
Everything has it's own beginning
Everything has it's own end
Happiness cannot exist without sadness
Sadness cannot exist without happiness
What an ironic world we live in
Goodbye To You - Michelle Branch
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said...
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes
And you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
It hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
And when the stars fall I will lie awake
You're my shooting star...
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said...
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes
And you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
It hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
And when the stars fall I will lie awake
You're my shooting star...
Tuesday, November 9, 2004
Life, Love, No Regrets
Two head, one bed, two mind.
Your perception, my perception, collapsed.
Empty you, empty me, disheartened.
You give, I take, physically tired.
Fewer pain, more despair, never end.
Anyway, let myself go.
Your perception, my perception, collapsed.
Empty you, empty me, disheartened.
You give, I take, physically tired.
Fewer pain, more despair, never end.
Anyway, let myself go.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Don't Give Up
It's fortunate that even after your departure
I still sleep and wake early
I have enough luck
And you are only content after counting the number of tears I've shed
You're good in hiding your true feelings
At least you're nice enough
To not break my heart totally
I have no conscience
Even if I hate you
I can't let go
I don't have the time to miss you
If my speaking skills were really good
I would trade insults with you until you couldn't take it anymore
Are you really not able to endure it any longer?
You'te the best because you still hope that lovers can become friends
I don't have the disposition to hate you
Being your best friend doesn't mean anything
I'm a big boy now
Even if my heart gets broken
I will never give up in my work
Forgive me for being so unforgiving
The present is the least of my worries
Not yet able to take out some time to let you take out your anger on me
Don't pretend to be nice
And force yourself to say that we will be good friends
Even after the breakup
Up to this day
I only have you as an enemy
How am I suppose to live the rest of my life?
I want to play, I won't accept you
Having no one to bother you is your luck
If heaven forces me to never give up
Even after your departure
I don't think I will perish
I retreat
In hopes that everybody will be happy
So that in the end
Things wouldn't be so uncertain
I still sleep and wake early
I have enough luck
And you are only content after counting the number of tears I've shed
You're good in hiding your true feelings
At least you're nice enough
To not break my heart totally
I have no conscience
Even if I hate you
I can't let go
I don't have the time to miss you
If my speaking skills were really good
I would trade insults with you until you couldn't take it anymore
Are you really not able to endure it any longer?
You'te the best because you still hope that lovers can become friends
I don't have the disposition to hate you
Being your best friend doesn't mean anything
I'm a big boy now
Even if my heart gets broken
I will never give up in my work
Forgive me for being so unforgiving
The present is the least of my worries
Not yet able to take out some time to let you take out your anger on me
Don't pretend to be nice
And force yourself to say that we will be good friends
Even after the breakup
Up to this day
I only have you as an enemy
How am I suppose to live the rest of my life?
I want to play, I won't accept you
Having no one to bother you is your luck
If heaven forces me to never give up
Even after your departure
I don't think I will perish
I retreat
In hopes that everybody will be happy
So that in the end
Things wouldn't be so uncertain
Why bother?
Accompany you in traveling through the slight breeze
Time flows through the pupils of our eyes
Feelings get lost within the sand of our embrace
Who is right?
Who is wrong?
Who is willing to change?
It doesn't mean that we are still in love like before
From the time we first met
I've used my tears to fill the ocean
Should have said this long before I'm leaving
From a slight smile
To crying
To drowning
It's all because of one person
Why bother?
To make it hard on my own body
From being annoyed
To being quiet
To going into a deep sleep
To waking up from a dream
I could be all by myself
Why bother?
No need to care
That slight smile still has leftover warmth
But it might not mean that glance is as attractive as before
Even though memories are forever
The more beautiful
The more cruel
How can I reminisce once again?
From feeling bad
To feeling sweet
No matter what it is
It's all because of one person
From complaining
To hoping
To forgiving
To denial
I could be all by myself
Why bother?
No need to care
Why bother?
Force you to care
Time flows through the pupils of our eyes
Feelings get lost within the sand of our embrace
Who is right?
Who is wrong?
Who is willing to change?
It doesn't mean that we are still in love like before
From the time we first met
I've used my tears to fill the ocean
Should have said this long before I'm leaving
From a slight smile
To crying
To drowning
It's all because of one person
Why bother?
To make it hard on my own body
From being annoyed
To being quiet
To going into a deep sleep
To waking up from a dream
I could be all by myself
Why bother?
No need to care
That slight smile still has leftover warmth
But it might not mean that glance is as attractive as before
Even though memories are forever
The more beautiful
The more cruel
How can I reminisce once again?
From feeling bad
To feeling sweet
No matter what it is
It's all because of one person
From complaining
To hoping
To forgiving
To denial
I could be all by myself
Why bother?
No need to care
Why bother?
Force you to care
Let's Break Up
Were you really surprised?
Were you speechless?
No, you heard right
I said I wanted to break up
Used to be under your spell like an innocent sheep
Why am I able to get back at you all of a sudden?
You know?
Looking back, being with you has never brought me any happiness
We've gone through so much together but why haven't we had love
I suspect that there will not be any happiness if I continue to be with you
I don't have the strength
Lets not linger any longer
Just set me free
All my work has been for nothing
The past years and months have not been spent joyfully
To continue out of habit does us both no good
If we must suffer
Why don't I just break it off now?
Are you unwilling to be the first one to be dumped?
If you were in my place, would you be able to take it?
I've endured the loneliness many times
My heart has had enough
I don't apologize for my frank behavior
Forcing this relationship won't bring us anything
Why don't we just break off everything?
If the suffering is so great
Let's not carry any longer
Please just go
Were you speechless?
No, you heard right
I said I wanted to break up
Used to be under your spell like an innocent sheep
Why am I able to get back at you all of a sudden?
You know?
Looking back, being with you has never brought me any happiness
We've gone through so much together but why haven't we had love
I suspect that there will not be any happiness if I continue to be with you
I don't have the strength
Lets not linger any longer
Just set me free
All my work has been for nothing
The past years and months have not been spent joyfully
To continue out of habit does us both no good
If we must suffer
Why don't I just break it off now?
Are you unwilling to be the first one to be dumped?
If you were in my place, would you be able to take it?
I've endured the loneliness many times
My heart has had enough
I don't apologize for my frank behavior
Forcing this relationship won't bring us anything
Why don't we just break off everything?
If the suffering is so great
Let's not carry any longer
Please just go
Crying
Who understands that I want to have a deep sleep
Who knew that I would be attending this event
Hope that you will accompany me
We'e not suitable, but it will be interesting
When you were happy, I asked you who liked
You replied whether I'm referring to a lover
If that's what you're talking about
I'm too afraid to tire myself
Then I bit my lip to hold back my tears
If I can
Just ask myself
Actually all I want is one kiss from you
And then you admit to me
I am who's second choice?
Even though I know that you are not a good person
But at least I can get one impression
Even though I want to I still haven't asked you
In reality, you have never treated a guy with sincerity
The secret of my love for you, who will want to prove it
Getting this sickness, I have no regrets
Only after switching off the lights, can I think about you freely
Unfortunately, I only have the strength to cry
My honesty towards you cannot make you honest towards me
The person who is loving, alone can still breathe with courage
While I know that you have not yet vanished
I'd rather not disclose this secret until the end of time
Actually I want to be near u
Actually I want to gamble my life
And then I want to...
Who knew that I would be attending this event
Hope that you will accompany me
We'e not suitable, but it will be interesting
When you were happy, I asked you who liked
You replied whether I'm referring to a lover
If that's what you're talking about
I'm too afraid to tire myself
Then I bit my lip to hold back my tears
If I can
Just ask myself
Actually all I want is one kiss from you
And then you admit to me
I am who's second choice?
Even though I know that you are not a good person
But at least I can get one impression
Even though I want to I still haven't asked you
In reality, you have never treated a guy with sincerity
The secret of my love for you, who will want to prove it
Getting this sickness, I have no regrets
Only after switching off the lights, can I think about you freely
Unfortunately, I only have the strength to cry
My honesty towards you cannot make you honest towards me
The person who is loving, alone can still breathe with courage
While I know that you have not yet vanished
I'd rather not disclose this secret until the end of time
Actually I want to be near u
Actually I want to gamble my life
And then I want to...
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Thursday, October 28th, 3.18PM
You, if you have something to say, just say it
Wanting to say something, but not saying it, what kind of a man are you?
And I, my instincts have told me early on
That we are nearing the day for our breakup
Even if my heart is crying, I still have to keep my smile
Who likes to look at a crying face?
Life is always so, with its share of separation
No matter how hard I try, it's still so hard to keep smiling
I cannot open this tearing eye
Because sand has just been blown into it
Who wants to use tears to make you stay?
Having your pity is even worse than separation
I've become used to breakups
We only need one simple word, no need to be bothered again
It's only the sand that has been blown into my eyes
That is making me cry
Even if I don't come, I must still appear refined
And think of him only in my memories
And then I could go out traveling to foreign countries
So I could slowly forget his face
Wanting to say something, but not saying it, what kind of a man are you?
And I, my instincts have told me early on
That we are nearing the day for our breakup
Even if my heart is crying, I still have to keep my smile
Who likes to look at a crying face?
Life is always so, with its share of separation
No matter how hard I try, it's still so hard to keep smiling
I cannot open this tearing eye
Because sand has just been blown into it
Who wants to use tears to make you stay?
Having your pity is even worse than separation
I've become used to breakups
We only need one simple word, no need to be bothered again
It's only the sand that has been blown into my eyes
That is making me cry
Even if I don't come, I must still appear refined
And think of him only in my memories
And then I could go out traveling to foreign countries
So I could slowly forget his face
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Monday, 24th October 2005, 3.57PM
For you, my heart
Ripped from my chest
A pulping mass
Of morbid diathesis
Laced with poison which you injected
Straight into my heart
Coursing through my veins
Morphing my blood into toxic liquid
Am i bitter? i dont think so. this is just me. a dark version of me. a me who is susceptible to a string of bad fairy tale x-es. yes, i'm calling it quits. no more relationships, monogamy doesnt exist in this age and era. romance has officially gotten shot in the head and is bleeding on a small gravel road somewhere up north. i really wish i could go back in time and stop myself from even starting my first relationship in sydney. my relationship life is like a garden variety of shithead bastards who treat me no good, apart from one that i can think of. but i'm going to move on, be narcisstic and tortured like the boy i am now and just date and not get into a serious relationship!
yes that's the new me. i'm not looking for mister right. i'm looking for mister right now. ^_^
Ripped from my chest
A pulping mass
Of morbid diathesis
Laced with poison which you injected
Straight into my heart
Coursing through my veins
Morphing my blood into toxic liquid
Am i bitter? i dont think so. this is just me. a dark version of me. a me who is susceptible to a string of bad fairy tale x-es. yes, i'm calling it quits. no more relationships, monogamy doesnt exist in this age and era. romance has officially gotten shot in the head and is bleeding on a small gravel road somewhere up north. i really wish i could go back in time and stop myself from even starting my first relationship in sydney. my relationship life is like a garden variety of shithead bastards who treat me no good, apart from one that i can think of. but i'm going to move on, be narcisstic and tortured like the boy i am now and just date and not get into a serious relationship!
yes that's the new me. i'm not looking for mister right. i'm looking for mister right now. ^_^
Sunday, June 6, 2004
Sunday, June 6th 2004, 6.49PM
i'm back in msia. all is good i guess. together with the one i love...^_^
"i may not be your dream guy not i'm the nicest guy on earth, but i do take this relationship seriously and i bet my life on this literally!"
i dont want my dream guy...
i dont want to be with the nicest guy on earth...
i just want to be with u bebe. ^_^ i hope u realize that by now
"i may not be your dream guy not i'm the nicest guy on earth, but i do take this relationship seriously and i bet my life on this literally!"
i dont want my dream guy...
i dont want to be with the nicest guy on earth...
i just want to be with u bebe. ^_^ i hope u realize that by now
Friday, May 7, 2004
Fridae, May 07 2004, 11.21AM
wow, for the first time in weeks i finally woke up early. i watched alot of sex and the city lately and i wondered, do we really need boyfriends to make our lives complete?
hahaha just kidding. making alittle carrie bradshaw (rickshaw, haha *snort snort*) joke.
i think i lost alot of braincells due to my late nites fused with excessive drinking problems. well i gotta admit i'm one hell of a funny guy when i'm drunk. huahahhahahahaa...i think i'm drunk rite now!
panda loves beebee btw. little personal remark there to my...personal audience, like i have one to start with...wait i do have one! hahahahahaaha *snort snort*
hahaha just kidding. making alittle carrie bradshaw (rickshaw, haha *snort snort*) joke.
i think i lost alot of braincells due to my late nites fused with excessive drinking problems. well i gotta admit i'm one hell of a funny guy when i'm drunk. huahahhahahahaa...i think i'm drunk rite now!
panda loves beebee btw. little personal remark there to my...personal audience, like i have one to start with...wait i do have one! hahahahahaaha *snort snort*
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Wednesday, April 21 2004, 3.20AM
whoopsie daisy...yesterday (meaning april 20th) was me and my bebe's monthly anniversary. i love him so dearly even tho we went thru so much. ahhh just really dreamy at the moment...
anyone out there has any weird eating habits? or weird favourite foods?
i was just thinking about mine...i add chilli sauce to KFC's mashed potatoes. ^_^ it's yummy! and dont knock it till u try it.
okay...i have no idea what else to say. still in a dreamy mood. oh yeah i dislike my flatmate alot. ^_^ huhuhuhu
anyone out there has any weird eating habits? or weird favourite foods?
i was just thinking about mine...i add chilli sauce to KFC's mashed potatoes. ^_^ it's yummy! and dont knock it till u try it.
okay...i have no idea what else to say. still in a dreamy mood. oh yeah i dislike my flatmate alot. ^_^ huhuhuhu
Monday, April 19, 2004
Sunday, April 18 2004, 5.40AM
i cant sleep, my loved one is angry at me. he's always angry at me, i'm beginning to feel as if all my doing is wrong.
i feel as if my life revolves around alcohol. yes, i am happier when i'm drunk. no one understands why...no one gives a damn. so why bother explaining it to anyone?
let me tell u a story...
there's a boy who was happy all the time, he would listen to other people's problems, he would cheer them up, he would try his very best to make them laugh and share his happiness, under this facade of cheerfulness and bubbly character lies a sad soul, a soul who wanted to be loved not just by one person, but by everyone. he's become so good at hiding his pathetic attributes that he doesnt even realize it anymore, until he fell into his own trap.
yes, i am that boy. yes, i do realize how pathetic i am. but is that wrong? is that why he's so angry at me all the time? am i such a bad person that no one is capable of maintaining me?
my tears will not answer my questions but will lighten the sorrow i feel.
i always thought, being in a relationship is always what i wanted. i never thought about the sadness that comes along with it. if this is what relationships are all about...i rather be single for the rest of my life.
i feel as if my life revolves around alcohol. yes, i am happier when i'm drunk. no one understands why...no one gives a damn. so why bother explaining it to anyone?
let me tell u a story...
there's a boy who was happy all the time, he would listen to other people's problems, he would cheer them up, he would try his very best to make them laugh and share his happiness, under this facade of cheerfulness and bubbly character lies a sad soul, a soul who wanted to be loved not just by one person, but by everyone. he's become so good at hiding his pathetic attributes that he doesnt even realize it anymore, until he fell into his own trap.
yes, i am that boy. yes, i do realize how pathetic i am. but is that wrong? is that why he's so angry at me all the time? am i such a bad person that no one is capable of maintaining me?
my tears will not answer my questions but will lighten the sorrow i feel.
i always thought, being in a relationship is always what i wanted. i never thought about the sadness that comes along with it. if this is what relationships are all about...i rather be single for the rest of my life.
Friday, April 9, 2004
Friday, April 9 2004, 5.23AM
just came back from Space, next to shark hotel. i have a feeling my friend spiked my drink coz i felt so high when i was dancing and right now even tho i'm so tired, my mind's racing and cant stop. bebe said it was definitely E, and the bad thing about it is i dont even take drugs. i'm very anti-drugs. it's so weird...i hate this feeling. i really wantt to go to sleep. is it alright to be shivering so much? i'm thinking it's the weather. vow to myself never let anyone i dont know very well buy me drinks. i am so tired right now...my body cant even function properly but i really cant stop thinking. i miss bebe.
oh! so many hot and cute guys at Space tonite!!! hohohohohoho!
oh! so many hot and cute guys at Space tonite!!! hohohohohoho!
Wednesday, April 7, 2004
Wednesday, April 7 2004, 6.55PM
i had a dream, that my family and i were in a swimming pool, and i turned to my mom and asked her whether she knew about my tattoo.
suddenly the waters turned from calm to rough waves. my mother screamed at me and wanted to take a look at the tats.
everything was then still, i heard someone weeping. i turned around and saw it was my family, and they were all crying. i heard whispers of disappointment from them. somehow i knew that it wasnt the tattoo that disappointed them. it was the fact that i was gay, and that i was their only son.
and then i woke up.
i'm tormented each day by the fact that i am gay, and my family would disown me or even worse, be ridiculed by my aunts and uncles over me, being their only son and being gay. how i wish to be proud, but i'm unable to voice my opinions, as i am still in the closet. this closet holds my deepest darkest secrets, none of which i would dare let anyone take a peek. i feel like i'm losing my mind, but i keep it inside...i have to keep it inside.
suddenly the waters turned from calm to rough waves. my mother screamed at me and wanted to take a look at the tats.
everything was then still, i heard someone weeping. i turned around and saw it was my family, and they were all crying. i heard whispers of disappointment from them. somehow i knew that it wasnt the tattoo that disappointed them. it was the fact that i was gay, and that i was their only son.
and then i woke up.
i'm tormented each day by the fact that i am gay, and my family would disown me or even worse, be ridiculed by my aunts and uncles over me, being their only son and being gay. how i wish to be proud, but i'm unable to voice my opinions, as i am still in the closet. this closet holds my deepest darkest secrets, none of which i would dare let anyone take a peek. i feel like i'm losing my mind, but i keep it inside...i have to keep it inside.
Saturday, April 3, 2004
Saturday, April 3 2004, 5.14AM
hahaha i have no idea why but the last 4 entries i made are always late at nite or early in the morning. i guess i'm not a afternoon person or a morning person either.
anyways i had such a nice chat with my bebe just now. sigh made me feel so special and loved. i really wish this feeling would never fade away...ahhh!!! i'm so dreamy rite now.
to all of u guys reading this, always take a chance. this is my advice. yeah take the advice from a kid *i'm smiling here* but i "think" i know what i'm saying.
fate only brings u that far, to a certain extent, it could be meeting a person who u're interested in. but i believe after that, it's all up to u to make it happen. *wink*
anyways i had such a nice chat with my bebe just now. sigh made me feel so special and loved. i really wish this feeling would never fade away...ahhh!!! i'm so dreamy rite now.
to all of u guys reading this, always take a chance. this is my advice. yeah take the advice from a kid *i'm smiling here* but i "think" i know what i'm saying.
fate only brings u that far, to a certain extent, it could be meeting a person who u're interested in. but i believe after that, it's all up to u to make it happen. *wink*
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Wednesday, March 31 2004, 12.15AM
got high last nite! ^_^ woke up so early this morning. does anyone feel like me, coz whenever i get high or drunk the nite before i wake up reaaaaalllyyyy early in the morning.
my sister and her bf are fighting outside my room now. it's saddening coz i introduced them together. saw my sister crying but i dont know what to do. i know i should protect her but my gut feeling is to stay out of it, becoz it's their business, not mine. it hurts me to see my sister crying...
i just realized something, i've encountered so many people that i dont even remember most of their names anymore, and by encounter, i mean meeting as in friend. i dont speak to most of them tho, as my wise sister told me one day as a joke (but i doubt it was), my friends dont last longer than 3 months. depressing as it sounds but it's a fact.
Truth factor 1: none of my friends last longer than 3 months.
Truth factor 2: none of my bfs last longer than 3 months too.
am i really that fickle?
i'm reflecting my life and it's values and honestly, i wish to make a difference in the world. what really scares me is that, when i die, i'm not remembered. yeah it's a bit too young for me to be talking about death but life is short, and it's not too short to ponder about things like these. i just get terrified that i'm not ever remembered. it makes me feel glad as well as special that people would remember me, such as send me an e-mail saying "hey i miss the times we spent with each other" etc etc. at least when i'm in my grave, people would remember the memories we have with each other. i guess that's what will really make me happy. ^_^
plus, i wish to make a difference in the world. not some stupid thing like world peace, that's never gonna happen. with society like this i think we're heading towards a dystopia. i guess what i really want is to change the whole gay stereotype. that most of them are good looking, have good bods that can be achieved thru months of excercising at the gym etc. no one's looking for the average joe anymore. it's saddening for me to see beautiful souls being cast as an outsider and their personalities being oppressed by that factor. i honestly dont give a flying fuck what people think of me. think what u want world! this is me and u're not getting rid of me anytime soon! i'm letting no one get in my way, not now, not ever.
goodnite~
my sister and her bf are fighting outside my room now. it's saddening coz i introduced them together. saw my sister crying but i dont know what to do. i know i should protect her but my gut feeling is to stay out of it, becoz it's their business, not mine. it hurts me to see my sister crying...
i just realized something, i've encountered so many people that i dont even remember most of their names anymore, and by encounter, i mean meeting as in friend. i dont speak to most of them tho, as my wise sister told me one day as a joke (but i doubt it was), my friends dont last longer than 3 months. depressing as it sounds but it's a fact.
Truth factor 1: none of my friends last longer than 3 months.
Truth factor 2: none of my bfs last longer than 3 months too.
am i really that fickle?
i'm reflecting my life and it's values and honestly, i wish to make a difference in the world. what really scares me is that, when i die, i'm not remembered. yeah it's a bit too young for me to be talking about death but life is short, and it's not too short to ponder about things like these. i just get terrified that i'm not ever remembered. it makes me feel glad as well as special that people would remember me, such as send me an e-mail saying "hey i miss the times we spent with each other" etc etc. at least when i'm in my grave, people would remember the memories we have with each other. i guess that's what will really make me happy. ^_^
plus, i wish to make a difference in the world. not some stupid thing like world peace, that's never gonna happen. with society like this i think we're heading towards a dystopia. i guess what i really want is to change the whole gay stereotype. that most of them are good looking, have good bods that can be achieved thru months of excercising at the gym etc. no one's looking for the average joe anymore. it's saddening for me to see beautiful souls being cast as an outsider and their personalities being oppressed by that factor. i honestly dont give a flying fuck what people think of me. think what u want world! this is me and u're not getting rid of me anytime soon! i'm letting no one get in my way, not now, not ever.
goodnite~
Monday, March 29, 2004
Monday, March 29 2004, 1.20AM
today...
it's a sad day.
my life hasnt exactly ended just becoz of one mishap but i feel so depressed.
my aunt called me from msia today, told me that she knew i was gay. plus she more or less told me the problems with the parentals. sometimes i just wish there was an outlet for me, like some switch i could just turn on and everything would be just gone and fine.
life sucks! -_-;
gonna dig a hole and just stick my head in it.
it's a sad day.
my life hasnt exactly ended just becoz of one mishap but i feel so depressed.
my aunt called me from msia today, told me that she knew i was gay. plus she more or less told me the problems with the parentals. sometimes i just wish there was an outlet for me, like some switch i could just turn on and everything would be just gone and fine.
life sucks! -_-;
gonna dig a hole and just stick my head in it.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Saturday, March 27 2004, 6.29AM
i cant sleep! i'm so in love...and so dreamy. sigh...
i figured...why not make a dream journal in fridae instead? hohoho that would be a good idea since i cant think of much to write about my boring daily life. plus my dreams are alot more interesting than my daily routine of arcades, pool and an endless combination of liquor and cigarettes.
i had a dream last nite about a duck. i cant really remember much of it but i sorta remember it was white and quacking alot. if my memory serves me right, it was waddling in a pond of some sort, with lillies (did i spell that right?) with those flowers sticking up in the middle. i wasnt doing much...i was just dreaming of the duck.
^_^ Thanx to the Dream Dictionary it says:
To see ducks swimming on clear water shows that you will have a lucky journey, possibly over water. On a farm, if you see a white duck, it presages a good harvest and prosperity. if you hunt a duck you will soon lose your employment, and, if you shoot ducks you have enemies working against you. To see ducks flying in your dream is an omen of good luck pertaining to your marriage and/or your family.
^_^ hoHOHOHOHO!!! maybe i'm going on a cruise...a gay cruise perhaps. or maybe i'm just going "cruising" hohohoho omg...what a lame joke. forgive me readers, it's 6AM in the morning. -_-;
i figured...why not make a dream journal in fridae instead? hohoho that would be a good idea since i cant think of much to write about my boring daily life. plus my dreams are alot more interesting than my daily routine of arcades, pool and an endless combination of liquor and cigarettes.
i had a dream last nite about a duck. i cant really remember much of it but i sorta remember it was white and quacking alot. if my memory serves me right, it was waddling in a pond of some sort, with lillies (did i spell that right?) with those flowers sticking up in the middle. i wasnt doing much...i was just dreaming of the duck.
^_^ Thanx to the Dream Dictionary it says:
To see ducks swimming on clear water shows that you will have a lucky journey, possibly over water. On a farm, if you see a white duck, it presages a good harvest and prosperity. if you hunt a duck you will soon lose your employment, and, if you shoot ducks you have enemies working against you. To see ducks flying in your dream is an omen of good luck pertaining to your marriage and/or your family.
^_^ hoHOHOHOHO!!! maybe i'm going on a cruise...a gay cruise perhaps. or maybe i'm just going "cruising" hohohoho omg...what a lame joke. forgive me readers, it's 6AM in the morning. -_-;
Friday, March 26, 2004
Friday, March 26 2004, 3.56AM
Hmmm!!!! what to write for my first entry...?
oh! i know just the right thing. just yesterday morning i had the most marvelous dream! it was the best dream i've had in a while. well anyways my dream was about ice cream! ^_^ huhuhu!!! as my bf asked, no it wasnt me eating the ice cream, but my dream about about the ice cream itself! white chocolate m&ms oreo cookies vanilla ice cream with caramel drizzled on top. g'ahhhh...*drool*
it just occurred to me, who dreams of ice cream anyways!?!!?!?
today was a good day, got a haircut, i know look like some underaged kid with a fake ID. some woman told me off today for smoking, said i wasnt old enuff. ignoring her remarks i went about my daily business of hanging out at Playtime and maloneys. ah which reminds me of the woman at Sublime who said i was too young to be gay. now i'm thinking to myself....how can someone be too young to be gay?
so that's my life today...well yesterday that is coz i just got back home. OH RESIDENT EVIL: DEAD AIM...fucking good game...but shit hard! loving it!
p.s. love ya bebe
oh! i know just the right thing. just yesterday morning i had the most marvelous dream! it was the best dream i've had in a while. well anyways my dream was about ice cream! ^_^ huhuhu!!! as my bf asked, no it wasnt me eating the ice cream, but my dream about about the ice cream itself! white chocolate m&ms oreo cookies vanilla ice cream with caramel drizzled on top. g'ahhhh...*drool*
it just occurred to me, who dreams of ice cream anyways!?!!?!?
today was a good day, got a haircut, i know look like some underaged kid with a fake ID. some woman told me off today for smoking, said i wasnt old enuff. ignoring her remarks i went about my daily business of hanging out at Playtime and maloneys. ah which reminds me of the woman at Sublime who said i was too young to be gay. now i'm thinking to myself....how can someone be too young to be gay?
so that's my life today...well yesterday that is coz i just got back home. OH RESIDENT EVIL: DEAD AIM...fucking good game...but shit hard! loving it!
p.s. love ya bebe
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