whoopsie daisy...yesterday (meaning april 20th) was me and my bebe's monthly anniversary. i love him so dearly even tho we went thru so much. ahhh just really dreamy at the moment...
anyone out there has any weird eating habits? or weird favourite foods?
i was just thinking about mine...i add chilli sauce to KFC's mashed potatoes. ^_^ it's yummy! and dont knock it till u try it.
okay...i have no idea what else to say. still in a dreamy mood. oh yeah i dislike my flatmate alot. ^_^ huhuhuhu
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Monday, April 19, 2004
Sunday, April 18 2004, 5.40AM
i cant sleep, my loved one is angry at me. he's always angry at me, i'm beginning to feel as if all my doing is wrong.
i feel as if my life revolves around alcohol. yes, i am happier when i'm drunk. no one understands why...no one gives a damn. so why bother explaining it to anyone?
let me tell u a story...
there's a boy who was happy all the time, he would listen to other people's problems, he would cheer them up, he would try his very best to make them laugh and share his happiness, under this facade of cheerfulness and bubbly character lies a sad soul, a soul who wanted to be loved not just by one person, but by everyone. he's become so good at hiding his pathetic attributes that he doesnt even realize it anymore, until he fell into his own trap.
yes, i am that boy. yes, i do realize how pathetic i am. but is that wrong? is that why he's so angry at me all the time? am i such a bad person that no one is capable of maintaining me?
my tears will not answer my questions but will lighten the sorrow i feel.
i always thought, being in a relationship is always what i wanted. i never thought about the sadness that comes along with it. if this is what relationships are all about...i rather be single for the rest of my life.
i feel as if my life revolves around alcohol. yes, i am happier when i'm drunk. no one understands why...no one gives a damn. so why bother explaining it to anyone?
let me tell u a story...
there's a boy who was happy all the time, he would listen to other people's problems, he would cheer them up, he would try his very best to make them laugh and share his happiness, under this facade of cheerfulness and bubbly character lies a sad soul, a soul who wanted to be loved not just by one person, but by everyone. he's become so good at hiding his pathetic attributes that he doesnt even realize it anymore, until he fell into his own trap.
yes, i am that boy. yes, i do realize how pathetic i am. but is that wrong? is that why he's so angry at me all the time? am i such a bad person that no one is capable of maintaining me?
my tears will not answer my questions but will lighten the sorrow i feel.
i always thought, being in a relationship is always what i wanted. i never thought about the sadness that comes along with it. if this is what relationships are all about...i rather be single for the rest of my life.
Friday, April 9, 2004
Friday, April 9 2004, 5.23AM
just came back from Space, next to shark hotel. i have a feeling my friend spiked my drink coz i felt so high when i was dancing and right now even tho i'm so tired, my mind's racing and cant stop. bebe said it was definitely E, and the bad thing about it is i dont even take drugs. i'm very anti-drugs. it's so weird...i hate this feeling. i really wantt to go to sleep. is it alright to be shivering so much? i'm thinking it's the weather. vow to myself never let anyone i dont know very well buy me drinks. i am so tired right now...my body cant even function properly but i really cant stop thinking. i miss bebe.
oh! so many hot and cute guys at Space tonite!!! hohohohohoho!
oh! so many hot and cute guys at Space tonite!!! hohohohohoho!
Wednesday, April 7, 2004
Wednesday, April 7 2004, 6.55PM
i had a dream, that my family and i were in a swimming pool, and i turned to my mom and asked her whether she knew about my tattoo.
suddenly the waters turned from calm to rough waves. my mother screamed at me and wanted to take a look at the tats.
everything was then still, i heard someone weeping. i turned around and saw it was my family, and they were all crying. i heard whispers of disappointment from them. somehow i knew that it wasnt the tattoo that disappointed them. it was the fact that i was gay, and that i was their only son.
and then i woke up.
i'm tormented each day by the fact that i am gay, and my family would disown me or even worse, be ridiculed by my aunts and uncles over me, being their only son and being gay. how i wish to be proud, but i'm unable to voice my opinions, as i am still in the closet. this closet holds my deepest darkest secrets, none of which i would dare let anyone take a peek. i feel like i'm losing my mind, but i keep it inside...i have to keep it inside.
suddenly the waters turned from calm to rough waves. my mother screamed at me and wanted to take a look at the tats.
everything was then still, i heard someone weeping. i turned around and saw it was my family, and they were all crying. i heard whispers of disappointment from them. somehow i knew that it wasnt the tattoo that disappointed them. it was the fact that i was gay, and that i was their only son.
and then i woke up.
i'm tormented each day by the fact that i am gay, and my family would disown me or even worse, be ridiculed by my aunts and uncles over me, being their only son and being gay. how i wish to be proud, but i'm unable to voice my opinions, as i am still in the closet. this closet holds my deepest darkest secrets, none of which i would dare let anyone take a peek. i feel like i'm losing my mind, but i keep it inside...i have to keep it inside.
Saturday, April 3, 2004
Saturday, April 3 2004, 5.14AM
hahaha i have no idea why but the last 4 entries i made are always late at nite or early in the morning. i guess i'm not a afternoon person or a morning person either.
anyways i had such a nice chat with my bebe just now. sigh made me feel so special and loved. i really wish this feeling would never fade away...ahhh!!! i'm so dreamy rite now.
to all of u guys reading this, always take a chance. this is my advice. yeah take the advice from a kid *i'm smiling here* but i "think" i know what i'm saying.
fate only brings u that far, to a certain extent, it could be meeting a person who u're interested in. but i believe after that, it's all up to u to make it happen. *wink*
anyways i had such a nice chat with my bebe just now. sigh made me feel so special and loved. i really wish this feeling would never fade away...ahhh!!! i'm so dreamy rite now.
to all of u guys reading this, always take a chance. this is my advice. yeah take the advice from a kid *i'm smiling here* but i "think" i know what i'm saying.
fate only brings u that far, to a certain extent, it could be meeting a person who u're interested in. but i believe after that, it's all up to u to make it happen. *wink*
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