I'm Turning You In, You Turn Me Out

As I was driving home from sending Nicky back from a night out, my iPod was shuffling through random songs and the nostalgia of Sydney came rushing back. I remember going to Green Box karaoke with my friends and screaming our lungs out with songs like Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody and Air Supply, etc.

I got home and started reminiscing about things that time had stolen from me. A big part of it was listening to music. I remember sitting in my room with my computer and searching for songs that I heard from Rage. The most prominent band I've ever heard is the band George (the song you're listening to now on my mp3 player). The moment I heard them live on Rove, I was flabbergasted and immediately went online to see whether I could get a download of their song. Couldn't find it anywhere, so I trolled the streets of the Central Business District in hunt for their album. I popped it into my computer and opened a can of beer and sat there, mesmerized by Katie and Tyrone Noonan's haunting melodies.

It absolutely fantastic.

I loved it.

I love it still.

When Ethan Met Jerry & Harry, The Shit Hits The Fan

Friendships between two people are great, especially when one understands the other person and vice versa. But when friendships turn sour, be weary of catty comments, backstabbing and other nonsensical actions to get back at each other.

I for one am the sort of person who believes in second chances, maybe even thirds whether in a relationship or just plain being friends. However, I am also the sort of person who would cut ties completely if I feel like I'm being subjected to displacement. My tactic is to not pick up any of the person's calls, not to reply any of their messages and avoid seeing them in public.

This tactic has lead me into deep shit with one of my good friend's ex-boyfriend. To tell this tale is to trace this story back to its original root, the time when I met Jerry.

I met Jerry when I was working at the local watering hole as a waiter. We got along very well, went on several trips together and had long chats about his "boyfriend", Harry. Don't get me wrong, Jerry and I were very good friends. He would spend nights just talking about how much he loved his Harry, how Harry left him and even though he's with another guy, Jerry would still continue his love for him and all that sort of crap. At first I thought it was very romantic of him to still be in love with his ex-boyfriend and waiting for him to go back to Jerry. And get back together they did. That was when I met Harry, the notorious boyfriend.

Harry and I got along quite well and it was good for the next couple of a months until Harry left Jerry again for reasons that would remain a secret. So it was awkward for a while. I hung out with both of them so much that it was weird for me to see them apart. I managed for a while until I started dating Damien. It was then everything fell apart. The murderous rampage between Jerry's "love" for Harry and Harry not wanting anything to do with Jerry became a complete season of mini-series for gay men to digest while wearing their mother's pearls. I was caught in the middle again and not only that, it caused me and Damien to have a huge argument which started another chain of events that caused us to break up.

After that, I stopped hanging out with Jerry. It was too much to handle; him trying to mind-fuck Damien into his bullshit, asking me every month whether I'm dating Harry (the answer is no and will forever be a NO, I'm not attracted to him like that and vice versa. Can't he get it into this thick skull?), calling me just to check up and spy on Harry, etc.

I became a lot closer to Harry; we shared the same interests, sense of humour, activities, etc. So we started hanging out almost every single day. Then two weeks ago I received a message from Jerry, after a month or so without picking up his calls and replying his messages. He asked me again and accused me of having a relationship with Harry again. In the message he started to name the places where Harry and I had been to and told me that friends do not hang out together that much. In other words, he was trying to dictate how I should treat my friends.

I got pissed.

I replied him after weeks of carefully screening my calls and ignoring his messages and said that what I do with my friends has absolutely nothing to do with him. I told him not to patronize me and since he liked to throw the word "FRIEND" around and abuse it, that if he was any friend of mine he would not be accusing me of this time and time again. He replied and accused me again and tried to be rational and said that he has no right to tell me what to do but I should know that he is still not over him and that I should not stand in his way and stop hanging out with his beloved Harry.

I got even more pissed.

I angrily tapped away at my phone telling him that it's good for him that he is not over Harry and that it is none of my business, their relationship had already cost me to have a big argument with Damien and that if he continues to act in this manner it would cost him a friend.

After this, I figured that I should not waste my time with such utter nonsense and I deleted the next couple of text messages from Jerry without even reading it.

He tried calling me the next couple of days after that incident; 50 over times on a Tuesday, 30 over on a Wednesday and a couple of random ones the following days, totaling it to a whooping 100+ calls! He also sent me a couple of messages and as usual, I ignored it and chucked it in the trash.

Just yesterday I went down to Port Dickson with my friends to have a barbecue and get drunk over Vodka Jello, beer and my disgustingly yummy spiked fruit punch. The food was good, the mood was elevating and it was pretty awesome to say the least, all to be ruined by a single message from Jerry.

I hate to cut and paste but I don't know how else to elaborate on this.

Ethan, i seriously warn you from seeing harry again. I know i have no rights to stop you but pls dont force me to fm something while i am out of control. I can do anything for harry. I know he is going down to pd and meet you. Remember what i said.

I don't know what to say to that, or even how to react. So I just forwarded this message to Harry and then told him that I do not want any trouble from Jerry and please ask him to fuck the hell off from my life and if he is planning to do anything to cause trouble, I will contact the police immediately (a tactic formerly used on random strangers who harass me on the phone).

An hour later I received another message from Jerry.

I tell you ethan, you are shit and betraying your fren. I am not worry abt anything coz i know harry is the most important person in my life. You better talk to me abt this or else i will do whatever necessary. I have been trying to be nice to you. I know where you stay.

What the fuck? First he's dictating how I should live my life, and now he's threatening me? I don't respond very well to threats. Especially when my home and my family is involved. Knowing that the police would do absolutely nothing, I called Harry and told him to sort his shit out and not to involve me in this weird three-way relationship. If he does not I will resort to contacting Jerry's family on my own.

What the fuck did I do to deserve being threatened? Because I am hanging out with Harry? And why the fuck should I listen to Jerry and care about his feelings? It's not like he bothered about mine when I broke up with Damien or the times that I got my heart crushed. All he did was just relate it to him and Harry and talk about their problems and how it is even worse for him.

That selfish little fuck is insane. He seriously has lost his marbles and instead of taking it out on the person that's responsible for his obsession and craziness, he takes it out on me. Not only that, now he has resorted to threats to achieve his goal.

As I said, I do NOT like being threatened.

If it's a game of threat and chance he wants, then let the game begin.

The Tradition Lives On

Once every year marks the occasion that is a constant reminder one is getting older. Tomorrow is that day for me and the saga of bad birthdays continues.

Last year I spent my faux birthday with a couple of friends and got drunk. On the real day my mother got me a cake. She was watching her Wa Lai Toi on Astro after dinner and I had to wait for a commercial before I went downstairs, lit the candles and call her to come down to cut the cake with me. After I blew out the candles, she went back to her Hong Kong series whilst I took out the candles and dumped it in the garbage and put the half cut cake back in. We didn't even eat it. I received a birthday message the next day.

The circle of life does go on and I continue to force myself to be happy. Today it was cut short when I was speaking to my father about application of jobs here. He didn't have time and wanted to speak to me tomorrow. I asked him if he knew what day it was tomorrow.

He replied, "....Thursday."

I don't think he remembers my birthday every year and has to be reminded by my mother or my sister whereas the day of my sister's birth is imprinted in his skull.

So I sit here.

I write.

I listen to Billie Holiday.

The only person I know of in more pain than I am in now.

Freedom

I'm free! Free from the constraints of Monash and studying! This is the moment where I say adieu to exams, assignments, presentations, etc.

I shall look forward. Look forward I shall, to an era of working till I drop dead and retire. What a fabulous life it is.

Anyway I manage to get a couple of shots (with the help of my paparazzi friend) of the vigil I went to in Kamunting. Enjoy!

BMW - Bitching, Moaning, Whining.

Have you ever woke up and wondered, "What am I doing?".

In these past few days I've been slightly blue and I can't seem to pinpoint the reason why, so I'm going to be lazy and uncreative and list the reasons here.

Ethan's Excuses For Being Blue
1) Exam stress.
2) The realization that I'm graduating and I will no longer be a student. The transition from study to work is frightening.
3) Leaving Malaysia for work.
4) Listening to emo music these past few days.
5) The time of the year. June.

In my past entries, I have always been bitching about the fact that my birthday sucked and this year, it's not going to be any different; I'm going to sit here and whine and moan like an old man in an old folk's home being visited by his unfilial family.

Think about it, I'm a year closer to death. I'm going to have to be matured and grow up. I'll be 24, not 23, not 22, not 19 (Ethan CAN count!). This sucks big time.

Watch out world. I'm a bitter old man in the making.