got high last nite! ^_^ woke up so early this morning. does anyone feel like me, coz whenever i get high or drunk the nite before i wake up reaaaaalllyyyy early in the morning.
my sister and her bf are fighting outside my room now. it's saddening coz i introduced them together. saw my sister crying but i dont know what to do. i know i should protect her but my gut feeling is to stay out of it, becoz it's their business, not mine. it hurts me to see my sister crying...
i just realized something, i've encountered so many people that i dont even remember most of their names anymore, and by encounter, i mean meeting as in friend. i dont speak to most of them tho, as my wise sister told me one day as a joke (but i doubt it was), my friends dont last longer than 3 months. depressing as it sounds but it's a fact.
Truth factor 1: none of my friends last longer than 3 months.
Truth factor 2: none of my bfs last longer than 3 months too.
am i really that fickle?
i'm reflecting my life and it's values and honestly, i wish to make a difference in the world. what really scares me is that, when i die, i'm not remembered. yeah it's a bit too young for me to be talking about death but life is short, and it's not too short to ponder about things like these. i just get terrified that i'm not ever remembered. it makes me feel glad as well as special that people would remember me, such as send me an e-mail saying "hey i miss the times we spent with each other" etc etc. at least when i'm in my grave, people would remember the memories we have with each other. i guess that's what will really make me happy. ^_^
plus, i wish to make a difference in the world. not some stupid thing like world peace, that's never gonna happen. with society like this i think we're heading towards a dystopia. i guess what i really want is to change the whole gay stereotype. that most of them are good looking, have good bods that can be achieved thru months of excercising at the gym etc. no one's looking for the average joe anymore. it's saddening for me to see beautiful souls being cast as an outsider and their personalities being oppressed by that factor. i honestly dont give a flying fuck what people think of me. think what u want world! this is me and u're not getting rid of me anytime soon! i'm letting no one get in my way, not now, not ever.
goodnite~
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Monday, March 29, 2004
Monday, March 29 2004, 1.20AM
today...
it's a sad day.
my life hasnt exactly ended just becoz of one mishap but i feel so depressed.
my aunt called me from msia today, told me that she knew i was gay. plus she more or less told me the problems with the parentals. sometimes i just wish there was an outlet for me, like some switch i could just turn on and everything would be just gone and fine.
life sucks! -_-;
gonna dig a hole and just stick my head in it.
it's a sad day.
my life hasnt exactly ended just becoz of one mishap but i feel so depressed.
my aunt called me from msia today, told me that she knew i was gay. plus she more or less told me the problems with the parentals. sometimes i just wish there was an outlet for me, like some switch i could just turn on and everything would be just gone and fine.
life sucks! -_-;
gonna dig a hole and just stick my head in it.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Saturday, March 27 2004, 6.29AM
i cant sleep! i'm so in love...and so dreamy. sigh...
i figured...why not make a dream journal in fridae instead? hohoho that would be a good idea since i cant think of much to write about my boring daily life. plus my dreams are alot more interesting than my daily routine of arcades, pool and an endless combination of liquor and cigarettes.
i had a dream last nite about a duck. i cant really remember much of it but i sorta remember it was white and quacking alot. if my memory serves me right, it was waddling in a pond of some sort, with lillies (did i spell that right?) with those flowers sticking up in the middle. i wasnt doing much...i was just dreaming of the duck.
^_^ Thanx to the Dream Dictionary it says:
To see ducks swimming on clear water shows that you will have a lucky journey, possibly over water. On a farm, if you see a white duck, it presages a good harvest and prosperity. if you hunt a duck you will soon lose your employment, and, if you shoot ducks you have enemies working against you. To see ducks flying in your dream is an omen of good luck pertaining to your marriage and/or your family.
^_^ hoHOHOHOHO!!! maybe i'm going on a cruise...a gay cruise perhaps. or maybe i'm just going "cruising" hohohoho omg...what a lame joke. forgive me readers, it's 6AM in the morning. -_-;
i figured...why not make a dream journal in fridae instead? hohoho that would be a good idea since i cant think of much to write about my boring daily life. plus my dreams are alot more interesting than my daily routine of arcades, pool and an endless combination of liquor and cigarettes.
i had a dream last nite about a duck. i cant really remember much of it but i sorta remember it was white and quacking alot. if my memory serves me right, it was waddling in a pond of some sort, with lillies (did i spell that right?) with those flowers sticking up in the middle. i wasnt doing much...i was just dreaming of the duck.
^_^ Thanx to the Dream Dictionary it says:
To see ducks swimming on clear water shows that you will have a lucky journey, possibly over water. On a farm, if you see a white duck, it presages a good harvest and prosperity. if you hunt a duck you will soon lose your employment, and, if you shoot ducks you have enemies working against you. To see ducks flying in your dream is an omen of good luck pertaining to your marriage and/or your family.
^_^ hoHOHOHOHO!!! maybe i'm going on a cruise...a gay cruise perhaps. or maybe i'm just going "cruising" hohohoho omg...what a lame joke. forgive me readers, it's 6AM in the morning. -_-;
Friday, March 26, 2004
Friday, March 26 2004, 3.56AM
Hmmm!!!! what to write for my first entry...?
oh! i know just the right thing. just yesterday morning i had the most marvelous dream! it was the best dream i've had in a while. well anyways my dream was about ice cream! ^_^ huhuhu!!! as my bf asked, no it wasnt me eating the ice cream, but my dream about about the ice cream itself! white chocolate m&ms oreo cookies vanilla ice cream with caramel drizzled on top. g'ahhhh...*drool*
it just occurred to me, who dreams of ice cream anyways!?!!?!?
today was a good day, got a haircut, i know look like some underaged kid with a fake ID. some woman told me off today for smoking, said i wasnt old enuff. ignoring her remarks i went about my daily business of hanging out at Playtime and maloneys. ah which reminds me of the woman at Sublime who said i was too young to be gay. now i'm thinking to myself....how can someone be too young to be gay?
so that's my life today...well yesterday that is coz i just got back home. OH RESIDENT EVIL: DEAD AIM...fucking good game...but shit hard! loving it!
p.s. love ya bebe
oh! i know just the right thing. just yesterday morning i had the most marvelous dream! it was the best dream i've had in a while. well anyways my dream was about ice cream! ^_^ huhuhu!!! as my bf asked, no it wasnt me eating the ice cream, but my dream about about the ice cream itself! white chocolate m&ms oreo cookies vanilla ice cream with caramel drizzled on top. g'ahhhh...*drool*
it just occurred to me, who dreams of ice cream anyways!?!!?!?
today was a good day, got a haircut, i know look like some underaged kid with a fake ID. some woman told me off today for smoking, said i wasnt old enuff. ignoring her remarks i went about my daily business of hanging out at Playtime and maloneys. ah which reminds me of the woman at Sublime who said i was too young to be gay. now i'm thinking to myself....how can someone be too young to be gay?
so that's my life today...well yesterday that is coz i just got back home. OH RESIDENT EVIL: DEAD AIM...fucking good game...but shit hard! loving it!
p.s. love ya bebe
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