My love's like a turning wheel, it is spinning, spinning around.
It's 4AM in the morning and I'm still awake. Unfortunately my biological clock is not ticking correctly and seem to think that wee hours in the morning is time for my body to shut down * hears the Windows Shut Down sound clip*.
I had to update tonight since some people have been complaining about having nothing to read or no new sleeping material. Well screw that, do what normal people do and pop in several Stilnox or Nytol. Guaranteed to knock you out for several days or weeks depending on your dosage.
I have been busy these past few days/weeks. Exams are around the corner and I have not prepared anything for it. Plus I still have an assignment due and I haven't exactly finished it yet. So what's new you ask? Well I certainly could answer that.
I just finished watching the 4th installment of the Harry Potter series. What a waste of 2 hours. I went to the toilet to have 2 cigarettes during the screening of the movie; and by screening, I meant getting a pirated copy of the movie and watching it on my 36" Samsung LCD Monitor. Yay for technology and piracy!
I have a couple more movies to watch but I decided to put them off and wait until I finished my exams so I'm able to concentrate 100% on my studying.
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Who the hell am I kidding? I'm going to watch Knocked Up before I head to bed.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
To You, With Love
My epitome of love (you know who you are):
If I had one wish, I would wish for you to be in my arms right now.
I want to be the shoulder that you lie your head on.
I want to be the happiness that I see in your smile.
I want to taste those soft lips, those lips that make my toes curl in ecstasy.
I want to take a whiff of your scent, the enticing scent right below your ear lobe.
I want to dream a thousand dreams right beside you.
I want to plan my whole life with you and you only.
I want to kiss your forehead every morning and tell you how much I love you.
I want to wake up in the middle of the night and find you sleeping right next to me.
If only I could, I would.
Ethan
If I had one wish, I would wish for you to be in my arms right now.
I want to be the shoulder that you lie your head on.
I want to be the happiness that I see in your smile.
I want to taste those soft lips, those lips that make my toes curl in ecstasy.
I want to take a whiff of your scent, the enticing scent right below your ear lobe.
I want to dream a thousand dreams right beside you.
I want to plan my whole life with you and you only.
I want to kiss your forehead every morning and tell you how much I love you.
I want to wake up in the middle of the night and find you sleeping right next to me.
If only I could, I would.
Ethan
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Roads
The night peels the heart like an onion, what remains after it is removed of it's defenses?
I had to do an interpretation of my theme in my Writing workshop today. I decided to do a serious short instead of acting it out or singing, etc.
So I laid out several magazine advertisements which are usually the epitome of gender construction (my theme) and one of my mother's old clothing and one of my old t-shirts on the table. I also had a pair of scissors, a ruby red lipstick and nail polish. I blindfolded myself to represent society's ignorance to it's gender construction. I sat like a marionette and waited for my cue to start (which is the music that was played during the whole act).
That was when I picked up the lipstick and started to draw on the magazine adverts. This symbolizes the effect of make-up. I dropped the lipstick and then picked up the nail polish and poured it all over the adverts, destroying it. Yet it is not enough, so I tore the adverts and tossed it on to the ground. The pieces are still there though, signifying however hard we try to break free of these stereotypes, it will still remain.
Then I picked up the pair of scissors and started to cut through the clothes. It was intense, since I was blindfolded and I didn't know what I was cutting. Crazy as it sounds, my writing class was dead silent during my whole act. I found out later it wasn't because they enjoyed it, they paid close attention because they were afraid I might cut my finger off or something. I timed it well and I think I did good. There were some who didn't bother putting in effort and read it out like the Vagina monologue. But all in all we had quite a bit of fun, some were entertaining whilst others were intense. See, this is why I take Writing, the most interesting people are always in my class.
I had to do an interpretation of my theme in my Writing workshop today. I decided to do a serious short instead of acting it out or singing, etc.
So I laid out several magazine advertisements which are usually the epitome of gender construction (my theme) and one of my mother's old clothing and one of my old t-shirts on the table. I also had a pair of scissors, a ruby red lipstick and nail polish. I blindfolded myself to represent society's ignorance to it's gender construction. I sat like a marionette and waited for my cue to start (which is the music that was played during the whole act).
That was when I picked up the lipstick and started to draw on the magazine adverts. This symbolizes the effect of make-up. I dropped the lipstick and then picked up the nail polish and poured it all over the adverts, destroying it. Yet it is not enough, so I tore the adverts and tossed it on to the ground. The pieces are still there though, signifying however hard we try to break free of these stereotypes, it will still remain.
Then I picked up the pair of scissors and started to cut through the clothes. It was intense, since I was blindfolded and I didn't know what I was cutting. Crazy as it sounds, my writing class was dead silent during my whole act. I found out later it wasn't because they enjoyed it, they paid close attention because they were afraid I might cut my finger off or something. I timed it well and I think I did good. There were some who didn't bother putting in effort and read it out like the Vagina monologue. But all in all we had quite a bit of fun, some were entertaining whilst others were intense. See, this is why I take Writing, the most interesting people are always in my class.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
I'm Not Dead
The weekend sure did pass by like a speeding train. I went to see a percussions production called 10: Entwined Calling. Fantastic production, the whole set up was beautiful and the performance was breath-taking. I especially liked the 4th performance, titled " Water... Engulf Me", which signified the importance of water; we need it to survive and yet with too much it can harm us. Water gives life, yet it can taketh away. A beautifully intricate performance it was. The haunting voice of Yudi gave me shivers when she started singing, it was melodious and evocative. It was well done and Bernard Goh directed it flawlessly.
After the concert, a few friends and I went to check out the " Eye of Malaysia" (i.e. the copied version of the London Eye). I'm terrified of heights so I wanted to sit out the ride and luckily for me, by the time we got there they stopped allowing passengers in. So we joined the locals and started taking photos of the Ferris Wheel and watched the pretty colours change.
It's pretty at night, and pretty scary at the top.
After that, we went to our hangout area where I found the most oddest thing growing out of the ground. A mushroom.
There it was, in the middle of no where, growing. I swear it is the strangest thing I've ever seen. White and puffy. I found another one a meter away from it but someone had ripped it out of the ground and chucked it aside. Sigh, mushroom, enduring the harsh weather of Malaysia and yet it's able to nourish itself and blossom into a puffy white blob.
How I wish I was thee. Oh wait...I am the mushroom!
After the concert, a few friends and I went to check out the " Eye of Malaysia" (i.e. the copied version of the London Eye). I'm terrified of heights so I wanted to sit out the ride and luckily for me, by the time we got there they stopped allowing passengers in. So we joined the locals and started taking photos of the Ferris Wheel and watched the pretty colours change.
It's pretty at night, and pretty scary at the top.
After that, we went to our hangout area where I found the most oddest thing growing out of the ground. A mushroom.
There it was, in the middle of no where, growing. I swear it is the strangest thing I've ever seen. White and puffy. I found another one a meter away from it but someone had ripped it out of the ground and chucked it aside. Sigh, mushroom, enduring the harsh weather of Malaysia and yet it's able to nourish itself and blossom into a puffy white blob.
How I wish I was thee. Oh wait...I am the mushroom!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
6 Days Later
Today is where the bombardment of questions begin.
I felt good enough to head into classes today. I finally finished my anti-bis and I just found out I don't need to finish my painkiller medication, which bummed me out cause it gave me a killer buzz. I was not however looking forward to the barrage of questions from my classmates asking me if I'm alright or if I'm well since my face is deathly pale/green. There's a fine line between being concerned and being nosy, and MOST of these people were just plain nosy. As expected, I had to answer more than 8 times what surgery I went for and why. Even with a sarcastic tone in my voice saying that I had to sever my sympathy nerves cause I wanted to be a heartless bitch who didn't want to answer stupid questions anymore didn't stop them from wanting to know more about the surgery itself. Hell hath no fury as a mob of nosy people.
An interesting event that happened today that is worth noting was meeting J again. As the elevator doors opened, I looked out to see him standing there. Like a school boy with no where else to go except into my arms (I wish), he stood there with a grin on his face. Obviously the grin wasn't for me, it was for his girlfriend who was standing behind me. The whole bunch of Commies (short for Communication Students) from my class came out of the elevator and started chit chatting about some public apology letter from a fellow student to another. Whilst this was going on, I managed to steal a couple of glances at him. It was a hot day and he was sweating profusely. I wanted to rip off his shirt to reveal his cub-like body and *censored*.
Gathering up the courage to speak to him, I took a deep breath only to look at him for a mere couple of seconds. I could feel his gaze shift towards me and I looked away, exhaling. If there's an award for the biggest Jack Ass in the world, please nominate me. I should have just spoken to him! He probably thinks of me as a retard.
Although it's hard to believe for many, I am shy. PAINFULLY shy. Especially to the guys I really like and imagine going out on dates with. It's a disorder, just like how I don't look at people when I walk into a gay-infested area cause I feel like there are eyes on me and I suddenly am very aware of myself. I get nervous basically and very self-conscious.
I am still beating myself up over the fact that I walked away without even uttering a single word to him. Garr!
Music has charms to soothe a savage beast. Where the heck is my music now?
I felt good enough to head into classes today. I finally finished my anti-bis and I just found out I don't need to finish my painkiller medication, which bummed me out cause it gave me a killer buzz. I was not however looking forward to the barrage of questions from my classmates asking me if I'm alright or if I'm well since my face is deathly pale/green. There's a fine line between being concerned and being nosy, and MOST of these people were just plain nosy. As expected, I had to answer more than 8 times what surgery I went for and why. Even with a sarcastic tone in my voice saying that I had to sever my sympathy nerves cause I wanted to be a heartless bitch who didn't want to answer stupid questions anymore didn't stop them from wanting to know more about the surgery itself. Hell hath no fury as a mob of nosy people.
An interesting event that happened today that is worth noting was meeting J again. As the elevator doors opened, I looked out to see him standing there. Like a school boy with no where else to go except into my arms (I wish), he stood there with a grin on his face. Obviously the grin wasn't for me, it was for his girlfriend who was standing behind me. The whole bunch of Commies (short for Communication Students) from my class came out of the elevator and started chit chatting about some public apology letter from a fellow student to another. Whilst this was going on, I managed to steal a couple of glances at him. It was a hot day and he was sweating profusely. I wanted to rip off his shirt to reveal his cub-like body and *censored*.
Gathering up the courage to speak to him, I took a deep breath only to look at him for a mere couple of seconds. I could feel his gaze shift towards me and I looked away, exhaling. If there's an award for the biggest Jack Ass in the world, please nominate me. I should have just spoken to him! He probably thinks of me as a retard.
Although it's hard to believe for many, I am shy. PAINFULLY shy. Especially to the guys I really like and imagine going out on dates with. It's a disorder, just like how I don't look at people when I walk into a gay-infested area cause I feel like there are eyes on me and I suddenly am very aware of myself. I get nervous basically and very self-conscious.
I am still beating myself up over the fact that I walked away without even uttering a single word to him. Garr!
Music has charms to soothe a savage beast. Where the heck is my music now?
Monday, October 1, 2007
Back With A Vengence
The critical stage is over, I can finally breathe almost normally without feeling the tremendous amount of pressure on my heart.
What surgery did I go for? I'm so sick and tired of answering this question, which is basically why I kept this in the dark, apart from a few of my close friends. I had to go for a Spine-Thorascopic Cervical Sympathectomy to cut the sympathetic nerves. In other words, it's to cure cold and clammy hands (i.e. sweaty palms).
Going into this surgery is quite mind boggling and it's not the process of the whole thing, it's the waiting that is a killer. I freaked myself out before the whole thing, I had to wear nothing but the surgical gown and my wobbly bits were dangling for everyone to see. They inserted a transparent like drip into my right hand and injected the anesthesia into the drip which knocked me unconscious for about a couple of hours. They made two small incisions on each side of my body, right underneath the armpit where the doctor had to find the sympathetic nerves and sliced it right off. Waking up is the fun part, I remembered being delirious and making jokes to the nurses that only I understood (something along the lines of getting sleeping pills). There was a huge pressure on my heart and it was difficult to breathe. I couldn't even walk and had to be wheeled out by the hospital's concierge.
It was hell when I got back home. I had to walk up a flight of stairs to my bedroom, after each step I had to stop to release some of the pressure in my heart. Under heavy painkillers and anti-bis, I slept my way through the weekend, waking up through intervals to take my meals and meds.
And now I'm feeling better. Not yet 100% since I am not able to operate heavy machinery for a week or lift anything, or even hold a pen for a couple of days. Weird thing is, I'm able to type and move my mouse but in an upright position so my arms don't move around so much. I'm getting my stitches out on Saturday. Woo hoo! I'll be 100% then!
What surgery did I go for? I'm so sick and tired of answering this question, which is basically why I kept this in the dark, apart from a few of my close friends. I had to go for a Spine-Thorascopic Cervical Sympathectomy to cut the sympathetic nerves. In other words, it's to cure cold and clammy hands (i.e. sweaty palms).
Going into this surgery is quite mind boggling and it's not the process of the whole thing, it's the waiting that is a killer. I freaked myself out before the whole thing, I had to wear nothing but the surgical gown and my wobbly bits were dangling for everyone to see. They inserted a transparent like drip into my right hand and injected the anesthesia into the drip which knocked me unconscious for about a couple of hours. They made two small incisions on each side of my body, right underneath the armpit where the doctor had to find the sympathetic nerves and sliced it right off. Waking up is the fun part, I remembered being delirious and making jokes to the nurses that only I understood (something along the lines of getting sleeping pills). There was a huge pressure on my heart and it was difficult to breathe. I couldn't even walk and had to be wheeled out by the hospital's concierge.
It was hell when I got back home. I had to walk up a flight of stairs to my bedroom, after each step I had to stop to release some of the pressure in my heart. Under heavy painkillers and anti-bis, I slept my way through the weekend, waking up through intervals to take my meals and meds.
And now I'm feeling better. Not yet 100% since I am not able to operate heavy machinery for a week or lift anything, or even hold a pen for a couple of days. Weird thing is, I'm able to type and move my mouse but in an upright position so my arms don't move around so much. I'm getting my stitches out on Saturday. Woo hoo! I'll be 100% then!
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