Lost In Imagination

i'm feeling mighty restless these few days, a feeling which i do not understand very well. mostly because i usually feel restless for a couple of hours and then it dies down but ever since last week, i've been jumpy, my fingers cant seem to stop tapping or twisting my ring (i have this habit when i'm feeling nervous or uncomfortable or restless, i'm play around with my ring), etc. what i dont understand is i've done my work, i'm done with my exams, i'm pretty much done and yet i feel like i have some unfinished business that needs attending to. is it my love life finally calling out to me?

i've been a good boy recently, people come to me with all their problems and secrets and i never tell a single soul. i havent been trying to date anyone and have been rejecting one or two. i try to tell myself i need this time to really know who i am and that i want to be single. but i know truthfully that i'm not truly over a certain person yet. i've been thinking about him recently, maybe that's what's making me restless. dreams of his house, us going to australia and visiting my sister, his room, etc. i know they're all dreams and sometimes dreams mean nothing. i think it all started when i found his t-shirt in my closet. i wanted to dump it into the garbage can but instead i sat there on the floor and took a big whiff of that shirt. it certainly smelt like him, and my head was dizzy from all the nostalgic memories. i dumped it behind all my clothes and closed my closet door, hoping that i would forget about it.

how long does one take to get over another person? a week? a month? a year? a couple of years? never? i dont want to be one of those people who can never be able to move on in life because of a certain person. it's hard enough as it is dating other people and trying to get dates.

so this weekend i'm treating myself to a vacation in singapore, this one will be different as i'm using the money i earned from work to travel there and do stuff. i need a big old drink and to feel that feeling of weightlessness and floating in the air. i need to let myself go, as i said earlier, i've been a good boy....it's time to be a little bit bad.

Ethan Enchanted

it's 8.30 in the morning and i havent gone to bed yet. why? cause my bedtime antics have been at play and my biological clock seems to think that daytime is for sleep.

my exams are finally over. i can feel the overwhelming sense of stress finally dispatch itself from me and latch on to another unsuspecting victim. i finally can concentrate on the better things in life such as running around naked in a field of flowers and bending over and making an obscene pose in the barnyard where i once used to play.

jokes aside, the adrenaline has stopped producing itself in my body and i'm feeling the side effects of it. i went to LQ yesterday with a couple of friends only to sit there have two drinks and leave alone. i have alot on my mind lately and it's not been going so well. the breakup with ah hong has lead me to blame myself for shitting where i eat. let me explain...

i woke up at 9pm to find my phone singing harmoniously into my ear. when i picked it up it was my friend asking me whether i was going down to LQ with him and his friends. i told him i'll meet him at 65 and i'll discuss about it when i'm there. i dressed up nicely and arrived only to find out that ah hong was inside 65 with some guy i didnt like. anyways the side story is that i dont think ah hong took the breakup very well as he stopped contacting me (i got the hint). so i didnt want to go inside and create any mixed emotions and i was pretty much forced to go to LQ, being that there was no other choice. so i went, with the feeling of missing my family at 65. i saw B there. i spoke to him for a while and realized how much i miss him, while knowing the fact that we cant be together cause firstly he's the type that gets jealous very easily, and secondly apart from each other we dont have anything else in common. so i had to let my feelings go there and then, leaving him at the crowded disco and going down for a much needed drink. i left about an hour later after that only to face the ever tragic story of my friend Jimmy and his ex.

Jimmy, a good friend and lover. he has a mouth laced with poison but a heart made of gold. he's the monogamous type and i can feel in him, he's crying out silently in desperation. his long story short is that his ex wants to break up with him, jimmy still loves him and will wait for his ex to come back to him. i sorta have a small little crush on jimmy to be totally honest, i guess that's why when i met his ex i was cold to him. i just dont understand, this is a guy (if he was into me) that i would have a monogamous relationship with and his ex has the decency to break up with him. i know these things are between two people but seeing my friend wanting so much for them to work things out made me die alittle inside. i've been looking for a person like jimmy for so long and here is his ex having it within his grasp and he doesnt even want it. sigh, maybe i'm just a bit jealous. i cant really explain how i feel, i'm complicated and dramatic in that sense.

a friend also told me how he got to know his lover last night as well. they met through friends and were friends for 3 months and one night it just happened. i just sat there and listened and ate it all up with a spoon, wondering whether that fantasy story of two people meeting each other and developing feelings for each other will ever happen to me anytime soon...