I have to go for surgery in a couple of hours. I'm deathly afraid of hospitals. Especially after what T told me about going under general anesthesia and then feeling the knife slicing her ear open, feeling the pain and agony and not being able to do anything about it.
It's scary...
I'm scared...
Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Monash Ball - The Night of Noir
Here is the long awaited pictures from my Monash Ball. There are some more to come but I haven't gotten it from my friends yet. Enjoy! Pictures can be clicked to be enlarged, just like the thing in between my legs.
The 2 homme fatales and the notorious femme fatale.
One pimp daddy and 5...almost lovely ladies.
Feeling nervous on going up to perform.
Table 12 peeps.
I like to appear out of nowhere once in a while.
We've got noir.
Trying to act cute. Unsuccessfully.
It's been a good 3 years.
Me and Kathia. We make a good team.
Performing Somewhere Over The Rainbow and screwing it up.
Stay tuned...there's more to come.
The 2 homme fatales and the notorious femme fatale.
One pimp daddy and 5...almost lovely ladies.
Feeling nervous on going up to perform.
Table 12 peeps.
I like to appear out of nowhere once in a while.
We've got noir.
Trying to act cute. Unsuccessfully.
It's been a good 3 years.
Me and Kathia. We make a good team.
Performing Somewhere Over The Rainbow and screwing it up.
Stay tuned...there's more to come.
Dream A Little Dream
Have you ever had bad dreams about someone and then wake up and get angry at them for no legitimate reason? Has your dreams affected your mood in any way after waking up? If it has, you're probably a hypo-maniac like me.
Waking up this morning/afternoon, I felt so depressed. I had a dream about M and our bedroom antics. He asked me what lube I wanted to use and brought out three small vials with three different "flavours". I told him that I wasn't in the mood and he threw a hissy fit and then left. Why did I say no? Because somehow I felt like he was fucking around, that's how he got the lube in the first place.
Think that I'm crazy or think that I have lost a few marbles. I know I need to get over this. I just don't know how to. It's been 3 years of back and forth and it's takes on a serious emotion toll on me. I honestly want it to stop. I am willing it to stop. But even on an unconscious level I'm still yearning for him in some way. When does it end?
Waking up this morning/afternoon, I felt so depressed. I had a dream about M and our bedroom antics. He asked me what lube I wanted to use and brought out three small vials with three different "flavours". I told him that I wasn't in the mood and he threw a hissy fit and then left. Why did I say no? Because somehow I felt like he was fucking around, that's how he got the lube in the first place.
Think that I'm crazy or think that I have lost a few marbles. I know I need to get over this. I just don't know how to. It's been 3 years of back and forth and it's takes on a serious emotion toll on me. I honestly want it to stop. I am willing it to stop. But even on an unconscious level I'm still yearning for him in some way. When does it end?
Monday, September 24, 2007
There Once Was A Boy Named Ethan
There's always a moment in time when one faces the moral dilemma within him/herself. This is my moment.
I've known of J's existence for about a couple of months and never thought much about him until the night of the Monash Ball. He looked good enough to be spread on a cracker and eaten. There's something about guys in tuxes or suits which give of this jene sai pas aura and attracts me to them like moths to a flame. I was about to leave the ball to change and head to the crazy after-party when I decided to stop over at J's table and started dancing with all of my classmates for a couple of minutes. Then surprisingly, he came over, grabbed my hand and started to dirty dance with me, noir-style. There I was, with some guy I've never spoken to in my life dancing and staring into each other's eyes with intensity that probably could light up a small town. I had to leave soon after that, embarrassed that everyone were snapping photos and the fact that he is one of my female classmate's BOYFRIEND. Yes regulars and irregulars to my blog, this guy is apparently STRAIGHT . Which is weird because I've caught him staring a couple of times, maybe because I look odd? Well, whatever it is, I shouldn't do anything...except add him on my FaceBook and turn into a potential stalker and dream about him from time to time. Knowing that his girlfriend is leaving for Australia in the following months to come also gives me an advantage as well. Should I do it? Should I slip a Spanish Fly into his drink and rape his sorry ass and turn him into a blubbering child the morning after?
Speaking of wanting to rape men, I finally got to meet the guy I've been eye-raping at the gym quite a while back last night. He had been MIA for the past couple of months (so was I) and it was pure luck when he walked into the bar I used to work at and was seated right next to me. I love me a good thick tree trunk shaped pair of legs and hell he's got it, as well as a nice piece of ass attached to it. I didn't get to speak much to him last night, hopefully I would get to see him a lot more in the future. Damn, I so want to tap that.
Monash Ball was a fantastic night, pictures will be uploaded soon. T, S and I had to perform two songs for the night and we screwed up the first song big time. Lyrics were forgotten, tune was totally off, key was off as well, the microphones weren't loud enough, it was pure hell going through that 2 and a half minute song which was cut into a minute song. We redeemed ourselves through Come What May, where we shocked the crowd with our unusual booming voices and our synchronization and harmonization. We got the validating applause that we needed and it felt awesome. All in all, it was seriously a night to remember.
Note to readers: No men were harmed/raped during the reminiscing of the writer's blog
I've known of J's existence for about a couple of months and never thought much about him until the night of the Monash Ball. He looked good enough to be spread on a cracker and eaten. There's something about guys in tuxes or suits which give of this jene sai pas aura and attracts me to them like moths to a flame. I was about to leave the ball to change and head to the crazy after-party when I decided to stop over at J's table and started dancing with all of my classmates for a couple of minutes. Then surprisingly, he came over, grabbed my hand and started to dirty dance with me, noir-style. There I was, with some guy I've never spoken to in my life dancing and staring into each other's eyes with intensity that probably could light up a small town. I had to leave soon after that, embarrassed that everyone were snapping photos and the fact that he is one of my female classmate's BOYFRIEND. Yes regulars and irregulars to my blog, this guy is apparently STRAIGHT . Which is weird because I've caught him staring a couple of times, maybe because I look odd? Well, whatever it is, I shouldn't do anything...except add him on my FaceBook and turn into a potential stalker and dream about him from time to time. Knowing that his girlfriend is leaving for Australia in the following months to come also gives me an advantage as well. Should I do it? Should I slip a Spanish Fly into his drink and rape his sorry ass and turn him into a blubbering child the morning after?
Speaking of wanting to rape men, I finally got to meet the guy I've been eye-raping at the gym quite a while back last night. He had been MIA for the past couple of months (so was I) and it was pure luck when he walked into the bar I used to work at and was seated right next to me. I love me a good thick tree trunk shaped pair of legs and hell he's got it, as well as a nice piece of ass attached to it. I didn't get to speak much to him last night, hopefully I would get to see him a lot more in the future. Damn, I so want to tap that.
Monash Ball was a fantastic night, pictures will be uploaded soon. T, S and I had to perform two songs for the night and we screwed up the first song big time. Lyrics were forgotten, tune was totally off, key was off as well, the microphones weren't loud enough, it was pure hell going through that 2 and a half minute song which was cut into a minute song. We redeemed ourselves through Come What May, where we shocked the crowd with our unusual booming voices and our synchronization and harmonization. We got the validating applause that we needed and it felt awesome. All in all, it was seriously a night to remember.
Note to readers: No men were harmed/raped during the reminiscing of the writer's blog
Sunday, September 16, 2007
The Moment
This moment
I will reminisce
The forgotten scenery
It all adds up to become me
This moment
Time has become my luggage
Going past sadness and happiness
You're side by side with me
Because of you I can see myself
In the unpredictable future
Next moment
Where will I fly?
My wings are slowly tiring
But because of you
I will be strong
This is just a long journey
This isn't an eternal stop
Saying goodbye is a reminder of our magnificent memories
You
Have to take care of yourself
And never forget those beautiful scars
Don't worry
Just leave me
I will remember this moment
There will still be amazing moments
After the rain
There will be a fantastic rainbow
We will find our freedom at the end
(Lyrics Translated From The Moment, By Stephanie Sun)
I will reminisce
The forgotten scenery
It all adds up to become me
This moment
Time has become my luggage
Going past sadness and happiness
You're side by side with me
Because of you I can see myself
In the unpredictable future
Next moment
Where will I fly?
My wings are slowly tiring
But because of you
I will be strong
This is just a long journey
This isn't an eternal stop
Saying goodbye is a reminder of our magnificent memories
You
Have to take care of yourself
And never forget those beautiful scars
Don't worry
Just leave me
I will remember this moment
There will still be amazing moments
After the rain
There will be a fantastic rainbow
We will find our freedom at the end
(Lyrics Translated From The Moment, By Stephanie Sun)
Saturday, September 15, 2007
One Night Only
Being a failure in Malaysian Idol has smushed my dreams of becoming a singer, but my passion for singing still remains deep inside. Although I couldn't get through to the final rounds for Malaysian Idol, I thought to myself, at least I could still do what I love to do freely and there's always other competitions.
Fate has led me into meeting a friend of mine. We both discovered we had a strong passion for song and music and decided to try out auditioning for our annual university ball. With sheer skill and luck, we managed to breeze through the audition and became one of the main talents for the night of the ball.
The clock is ticking and the event moves closer day by day (the ball is 7 days from now). T and I are feeling the pressure. To stage the 2 songs that we are going to sing that night will be a major migraine for both of us, basically since we haven't exactly finalized the choices yet.
My friends ask me how I'm able to go through it with such confidence despite my trembling partner who's hand I had to hold through the entire time we auditioned and the performances we staged after that. All I can say is, I don't know. I honestly don't know where the courage comes from. But I'm glad to have that as a part of my personality.
Well what lies ahead is either applause or embarrassing moments. I suppose this event is just one night only so, no stress. I'm going to go out there and have fun!
Fate has led me into meeting a friend of mine. We both discovered we had a strong passion for song and music and decided to try out auditioning for our annual university ball. With sheer skill and luck, we managed to breeze through the audition and became one of the main talents for the night of the ball.
The clock is ticking and the event moves closer day by day (the ball is 7 days from now). T and I are feeling the pressure. To stage the 2 songs that we are going to sing that night will be a major migraine for both of us, basically since we haven't exactly finalized the choices yet.
My friends ask me how I'm able to go through it with such confidence despite my trembling partner who's hand I had to hold through the entire time we auditioned and the performances we staged after that. All I can say is, I don't know. I honestly don't know where the courage comes from. But I'm glad to have that as a part of my personality.
Well what lies ahead is either applause or embarrassing moments. I suppose this event is just one night only so, no stress. I'm going to go out there and have fun!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Bad Mojo
Trying to evaluate myself in these past few weeks has made me realize that I'm surrounded by bad karma, probably in my last life? Or maybe the things that I've said that have actually hurt people. Right now, the anger has subsided for my ex. The night I cried myself to sleep was the last night I swore to the higher beings above me that I will never shed another tear for him.
Despite me slapping him twice, it did hurt me more. Like jabbing a hot knife into my heart, I drowned my sorrow in a bottle of cheap wine and Stephanie Sun's songs. I needed a form of release, and knowing that these are the tools to bring forth hot lava tears to roll down my face I went through it only to wake up the next day and face my entire University with puffy red eyes and no boyfriend to call, hug, kiss or say I love you anymore.
To you who is reading this, I am truly sorry for using my hand across your face. I guess our relationship can't ever be salvaged. I wish you the best of luck and hope both of us move on and find whatever we want in life.
Trying to keep myself busy, I've picked up gymming again as well as revisiting old friends whom I haven't seen in a while. I've been trying to cleanse my aura as well and I believe this is bad karma that enveloped me so by doing good deeds, I do hope to rid of this evil presence. So I signed up for 2 day voluntary work at Freedom Film Fest 2007 held at Central Market this weekend, to help organize the event. It was supposed to be a 3 day job but I also volunteered to work in a home for disabled children on Sunday so I wouldn't be able to make it on the last day.
Do wish me luck on getting rid of bad karma. Shoo~!
Despite me slapping him twice, it did hurt me more. Like jabbing a hot knife into my heart, I drowned my sorrow in a bottle of cheap wine and Stephanie Sun's songs. I needed a form of release, and knowing that these are the tools to bring forth hot lava tears to roll down my face I went through it only to wake up the next day and face my entire University with puffy red eyes and no boyfriend to call, hug, kiss or say I love you anymore.
To you who is reading this, I am truly sorry for using my hand across your face. I guess our relationship can't ever be salvaged. I wish you the best of luck and hope both of us move on and find whatever we want in life.
Trying to keep myself busy, I've picked up gymming again as well as revisiting old friends whom I haven't seen in a while. I've been trying to cleanse my aura as well and I believe this is bad karma that enveloped me so by doing good deeds, I do hope to rid of this evil presence. So I signed up for 2 day voluntary work at Freedom Film Fest 2007 held at Central Market this weekend, to help organize the event. It was supposed to be a 3 day job but I also volunteered to work in a home for disabled children on Sunday so I wouldn't be able to make it on the last day.
Do wish me luck on getting rid of bad karma. Shoo~!
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