A Tear Shed Over Time

I recently met a guy. A guy who I thought would be a good friend. A friend who I thought was cute. A cute guy who was seeing another guy. Lets name this guy who I met, Barry.

At first, I stated my grounds clearly, not to engage in any form of sexual acts with him. I told him straight, that since he was together with someone else, I will not engage in any forms of sexual activities with him and the most we could be is friends. Next thing you know, I'm really starting to fall for him.

I waited an hour for him to get off work, sit down and have a drink with me for only 30 minutes before heading off to his next meeting. And the fact is, I didn't mind; which was a big indication that I really like the dude.

The third time we met, was at his place, where we had one too many drinks and ended up sleeping with each other. Torturous. I knew I was falling for him the moment our lips locked. I broke my own rule in not sleeping with him and I knew that I was falling down a deep and dark hole. He was seeing someone! How could I let things go out of control???? I felt so guilty after that, I went home and slept.

Today, I went out on a date with another dude. Throughout the whole date, I could not stop thinking about Barry, and the moment he called, I ran outside to pick up the phone. I really don't know what spell he put on me but I resisted and told him I would call him back.

I sent my date home, and we made out in his house but all I could think about was Barry. I left my date's place, saying that I needed to sleep, but in fact when I stepped into my car, I immediately started dialing Barry's number.

I spoke to Barry for a good 20 minutes, telling him how I felt, but in return he told me that the feelings I feel for him would change over time through personal experience. I was quite devastated by the remark, and I still am.

Through the act of putting down the phone of him, I realized that we can not be anything more than friends.

How I really wish we could.

I really do wish we could.

But sadly to say, we can not be.