Bleed +

yeap, i'm single again. fantastic isnt it? i was just listening to my friends talk about how great single life is and here i am living it again. i just have to get used to the fact for now.

my heart was torn from my body and again stomped into the ground like it was nothing important. how many times do i have to go through heartbreak? isnt life hard enough? how much pain do i have to endure before i find happiness?

C told me he had regrets in asking for us to part, so what? and he thinks that we should be friends after this. well let me say something, when one person out of the relationship is suddenly thrown into this situation it's almost impossible to recover from it and pretend it's okay.

i'm not going to pretend it's okay. i'm not going to sweep it under the carpet and tell everyone that i'm good and that things will turn out alright because first of all i'm not good and secondly i dont know whether things will turn out alright. i hate the fact that i'm always in the situation where i get pummeled into a pulp and i'm always expected to pick myself up and miraculously recover from it. so if u're reading this C, NO, we can not be friends.

i promised myself never to shed any tears for any other guy ever again and i congratulate myself for doing that. i am also making a vow right now to NEVER date a guy who sugarcoats everything and hides who he truly is because at the end of the day, when they reveal themselves to be the selfish person they are, u're just gonna hate them for it.

i'm sick. and i'm tired. i am sick and tired. i'm only 22...i'm not supposed to go through so much so fast. all these experiences are turning me into a bitter person, i'll probably be seen in baskin & robbins sprinkling lithium in my ice cream in a couple years time. i plead for a life of sanity, where things make sense and there arent any complications.

as i said earlier and i'm saying it now, i'm not going to pretend it's okay between me and life. but what i am going to do is delve deeper into my assignments and hide from society. i have enough dealing with petty and hideous gay men.