i think i'm falling in love again, but this time i know we sort of cant be together. basically cause we live in different countries and secondly, i dont believe in long distance. i dont understand, are the guys outside malaysia alot better or have i gotten jaded with the malaysian men here? i seem to always fall for guys that dont live in the same country.
M for instance, singaporean, met him in LQ and found out he has a boyfriend. now broken up with his boyfriend and we both want each other. from time to time when he msgs me, i do miss him. well actually it's more like an ache in the heart, the cause being knowing that we both have feelings for each other but cant see each other.
A, korean living in thailand, both have feelings for each other and wanted more than a summer fling. unfortunately it ended quite abruptly after some ex-friends/fiends got in the way of our "relationship". i watched him cry when we were holding each other, thanking God that he found someone like me, but that was a long time ago. i still think of him fondly...
D, taiwanese, staying here for a couple of months but leaving. i dont believe in short term relationships. he is sweet though, always contacting me and cooking for me. i feel so pampered around him and i hope that he feels the same way i do cause i do try.
D, sabahan, charming guy who won my affection by being caring and incredibly sweet, doing things for me not even my exes would do. he has touched my heart with his actions and apparently i have touched his.
N, the recent one, singaporean, tall and dreamy, i think i am falling really hard for him and it's hard cause he lives in Australia and i'm stuck here. plus i'm trying really hard to detach myself from him but i think about him quite a bit. for that brief moment when i was watching him asleep and breathing heavily in my arms, i could picture us living together and having the life that i want. of course i could never tell him this, it's too much for someone to digest, especially when he's not thinking the same way as i am.
i really do not understand why i get myself into things like these, where i know the outcome wont turn out fantastic and it would be alot tougher than most relationships so therefore i try to be cold and emotionless so i dont get hurt.
i do not want to take a gamble and bet my heart when i know there's a 99.99% chance that i would probably lose it to another guy. why would i want to play a game when i know the house always win?
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