Tired

it's 2.30AM in the morning and i just had a argument with my mother just now. i used to be so close to her and used to speak to her about everything which happened in school or whatsoever, but it feels like we're drifting apart. it all started when i came back from Sydney, that's the period when i told her i was gay. i would be good if she actually made an effort to accept my life, something which i told her about a couple of times when i was sitting down with her. she keeps on telling me the same thing: "it's difficult for me". when i bring back my dates or my exes to meet her or even my friends who are gay she always shoots them down and gives them nasty stares. it's like she's purposely sabotaging herself in our mother & son relationship. it doesnt seem like she's making any effort at all.

she seems to depict me as this sort of outrageous spoilt brat who wouldnt have any future if i never listen to her. fine, i understand that "mother knows best" sort of crap but mom, i dont wanna date girls and i dont really wanna put my pee pee in their wet area. plus i dont want to listen to u lie to me about shit just to get me to come home, and when i am home she doesnt even bother talking to me. i feel like...the KL tower, sure it's there but people who live in KL wouldnt pay to see it. and when it's gone it'll definitely be missed.

plus making me feel guilty on a daily basis just gets tiring. i am so jaded with feeling guilty that it's become second nature to me. she makes me feel guilty for being gay, she makes me feel guilty about my dad's job (under wraps), she seems to just want to make me feel bad. something which i dont really respond well to, but isnt it weird, someone whom gave life to me hardly ever knowing me and how i work. i work well with positive thinking, it would be nice now and then to give me a "great job" or a "that's good! keep up the good work" but it seems like it's in her genes to just make me feel bad. plus she chooses the worst time ever to talk to me about all these stuff, most of the time there's an alcohol induced woman standing infront of me saying that i'm the black sheep of the family.

thanx mother, for calling me worthless and trash. i will definitely think of u fondly.

anyways on a good note, today a friend in advertising told me that he proposed to have me in some television advertisements to his boss. so hopefully i get it cause it sounds like fun and good exposure! wish me luck~