sometimes in life we must let go of certain things that we know are bad for us like smoking. but when it comes to a point where u no longer can see that it's become so toxic, u start to lose the light. a dear friend Jeffrey (names are changed to protect the privacy of the original person) has started to lose the light. i have came to the conclusion that he doesnt really want to see it in the first place because he has already chosen his path of darkness, and it's hard to see a good friend walk down a path barefoot with shattered glass lying on the ground. i have tried telling him a couple of times that this is the wrong path to choose, giving him my own life experience such as my breakup with Marcus. it took me 3 years to realize that he was the vile of poison that i'm slowly ingesting and i had no help in realizing that he's bad for me, i just had to find out the hard and long way. i am happy now, i'm dating a couple of guys and trying on shoes to see if it fits.
the thing is, Jeffrey is not letting go of Ben and is lying to me by telling me that he's not that into him and then i hear him telling other people that he's really into Ben; knowing the fact that they cant get together because Ben is already in an 8 year relationship with his boyfriend. and it makes me upset to see that he has all these people who are interested in him which he doesnt want to let go. to spare them from being rejected perhaps? i dont know but in my eyes i see him leading them on. it's not that difficult to say that things cant blossom the way the other person wants it to, i've done it a couple of times. i dont think it's right to lead someone on when inside u know that things cannot work out. that's why when i'm dating several people, i tell them i'm not going to make it serious unless it feels right. i rather give them the brutal honest truth than beat around the bush and give them the illusion that life can be beautiful with me.
no i'm not saying that i'm the perfect example, but i did go through it and it's my life experience. and it's one of my good friends and i dont want him to fall into a huge hole and never be able to get up, i dont want that sorta responsibility of pulling him out of the hole. i dont want to see other people get hurt either, but whatever i say doesnt seem to get into him. he's always defending himself by saying "what does it have to do with me?" or "i didnt do anything". sometimes in incidents, whether u like it or not it has to do with u, by doing something or by not doing something. and this is a not-doing-something which has lead to events that is slowly suffocating him. is he really happy like this? is he masochistic like me? i honestly dont know.
what i know is it takes a human being to tell u stuff u wanna hear, but it takes a true friend to tell u stuff that u dont want to hear.
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